emotions, jack gilinsky

14

amara rahman

i blankly stare at myself in the mirror in my homecoming dress, trying to decide if it was too much.

this year was formal, so i decided on a longer dress with a slip. it'd been in my favorite color, too.

"hey, you ready?" javi peeks in. "what's the frown for?"

"i'm not frowning." i defend, standing up. "and yeah, i'm ready."

"mom went to the store, and i told her that you and i were going to a movie, and probably dinner if you need more time."

"okay." i nod. "thanks."

"yeah, yeah. come on."

we pack into the car and he drives to the school. "junior homecoming. i remember mine."

"it was like, three years ago, javi. you're not some middle aged man."

the rest of the car ride was pretty silent, until i spoke up. "you don't..notice anything odd about mom?"

"besides how much she's over-stressing? no."

"she needs a vacation." i decide. "we should all go to, hawaii or something."

"i'd be down."

he arrives at the school, and goes into the drop off line where multiple people were getting out of different cars and migrating towards the school.

"thanks again, jav."

"remember this when i want something." was the last thing he said before i close the door and walk towards the school by myself.

i had no idea if jack was gonna be here today. i shouldn't care, but..i like him. no matter how much i don't want to.

but it's all just a thought. i don't want to associate with his group of friends, and he'll never want to be with someone like me anyway.

i shake my thoughts away from my head, looking for bri as soon as i went inside.

bri and cj were dates. it annoyed me, but i knew that bri didn't know the whole story. besides, they only went together because cj's date bailed last minute. and bri wants to get nate's attention.

"hey!" bri smiles, "you look beautiful."

i observe her in a simple black dress that clung to her body perfectly, "you do, too."

"amara.." cj approaches us, eyeing me. "you look amazing."

i simply nod at him before turning to bri, "do they have water? i'm thirsty."

"oh! i'll take you." she says. "nate's over there, anyway."

i look towards the water stand, and nate was there with a few of his friends, including jack.

so he wasn't officially suspended.

jack was breathtaking. one look at him and my entire body went numb.

bri takes my hand and leads me there, subtly looking at nate who, stupidly, paid no attention to her.

she quietly sighs and begins pouring our water. "he'll come around." i assure her. "you're beautiful, bri."

"stop." she murmurs, handing me a cup and taking over for herself.

i glance at jack, who'd been looking at me. i instantly look away and walk back with bri towards cj and ravyn.

i try to avoid cj as we all decide to take a seat and watch some people make a complete fool of themselves.

after a while, ravyn and bri head to the bathroom. "don't you have like, a whole group of friends you could be with?" i ask cj.

"you guys are my only friends." he shrugs.

"bullshit."

"my only real friends." he specifies.

"real friends don't do—"

"i get it." he cuts off, "and i'm about to give up on trying to apologize."

"thank god."

"greene!" sam calls, before taking a seat beside him. "what's up, man?"

"nothing." cj replies, shaking his head.

sam briefly glances at me, before turning back to him. "why aren't you dancing? or hanging with us? you have a date?"

"yeah," he says. "just my friend, she's in the bathroom."

"what about that one girl? the one you were hooking up with all summer?" he smirks, "you never shut up about her."

"we're back." bri and ravyn approach the table and take their seats again.

sam gets the message and he backs up, walking back to his group of friends.

ariana grande's 'no tears left to cry' blasted through our school's cheap speakers as we all swayed to the music.

our group ended up merging with jack's, but he'd left a while ago.

"no idea." johnson tells me when i ask. i couldn't help but ask.

"we should go to the after party!" ravyn exclaims, dragging us all outside.

my phone buzzes, and i look down at a text from javi, telling me i should leave now.

"i can't." i tell them. "gotta go home."

"just tell your parents you slept over." bri frowns. "and..we're working on a project."

"used that excuse way too many times." i say, "they don't believe me anymore."

"come on." ravyn groans, "it'll be so much fun, amara."

i frown, looking down at the text. "i'm sorry, guys. i'm already on my mom's bad side."

"we get it." bri smiles warmly, setting a hand on my shoulder. "plus, you won't miss much, anyway."

i frown, "sure?"

"i'm sure." she nods.

i say goodbye to all of my friends, successfully avoiding cj.

as i made my way to javi's car, i spot a familiar face sitting on the steps to the football field.

i bite my lip, looking at javi and back at jack. i make a pit stop, veering to the right and heading to the steps.

though as i got closer, i realized he'd been holding a phone to his ear. "no.." i hear him mumble. "i didn't know—god, stop yelling at me, mom!"

i step back, deciding against being my nosey self. "where the hell were you going?" javi asks as i enter the car.

"nowhere." i murmur, letting my eyes paste to the back of jack's head for as long as i could, before we could get far enough for it to just turn into a blurb.

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