emotions, jack gilinsky

39

amara rahman

bri and her new boyfriend, edwin, moved along quickly. their hands held each other's throughout the entire day, automatically making me the third wheel.

"sorry." bri chuckles when i express my thoughts out loud to her. "maybe you won't be if you just ask—"

i shut her up, "i told you not to talk about it in public!"

she rolls her eyes, "amara, if you don't tell him now, it's gonna be the same situation with cj."

it was different with cj, but of course she didn't know that. and i think it's time i probably just tell her so she can stop bringing him up.

"i'm fine sitting in the crush zone right now, plus he's with..you know.."

"they're just messing around. we all know he doesn't care about her."

"there's so much drama i'm missing out in at this school." edwin frowns, and i chuckle at him.

"well, i'm gonna head to gym. i'll see you guys later." i tell them, and i bid them goodbye. the two waste no time getting into their little pda session, and i roll my eyes. but i was still happy for bri, it was about time she stopped drooling over nate.

speaking of, i catch him on the way into the gym. today was a health education day, so we get to sit and watch a video rather than actually go to gym. though the videos were boring, i could care less as long as i didn't have to play baseball.

"hey, nate." i greet, and he grunts at me. i narrow my eyes at him, "what's the attitude for?"

"you didn't give me a chance to tell you what i was gonna tell you."

i frown at him, and we sit towards the big screen in the gym. i didn't think what he wanted to tell me was so serious, but i guess it was. "i'm sorry, just tell me now."

"it's too late." he mutters, "there's no point."

i felt bad seeing him upset, and i sigh. "maybe it's not..just tell me."

"forget about it, amara."

but i couldn't. i thought about it throughout the entire video nobody was even paying attention to. and i'm sure nate knew i was, too.

"please, please, please!" i plead as we file out of the room. nate shakes his head, though i still follow him to his locker.

"why're you so curious now?"

"because i just am." i shrug, "tell me, nate. i feel bad, too."

he sighs, and i frown. i remain beside him, looking around and seeing bri at the corner of my eye, who'd been placing a few kisses on her boyfriend just like she'd been an hour ago.

nate follows my trace of vision, and he slams his locker a little too loud. my head snaps to him, and a frown was etched on his lips. "what's up with you?"

"you wanna know?" he mumbles, "i was gonna get your advice on how to ask bri out on a date yesterday."

my eyes widen, and i felt even worse than before. "shit, nate, i am so sorry—"

"whatever, it's fine." he cuts off, "i'll get over it."

he walks away from me, and i stare at him until he disappears from sight.

+

i place a pile of dishes in the sink beside derek, who'd let out a sigh. "great."

i ignore him, and instead focus on today's events. i'd been cleaning my hands off with a rag beside the sink when derek received a phone call.

"look..i have no idea what you're talking about, glor!..no—" he groans, "you're being extra..it was because of a family emergency! i would never cheat on you! you know what—fuck you, if you don't want to believe me. i don't need you—" he goes quiet, and brings the phone down from his ear slowly.

i watch him from the corner of my eye as he tosses the phone onto the counter, harshly turning the faucet off and covering his face with his palms.

i awkwardly stand there for a few seconds, "..do you wanna talk about it?"

i didn't expect him to say yes, but instead, he lowers his hands and focuses his sight on me. "she's driving me up the wall."

"isn't that her specialty?" i mutter, and he rolls his eyes.

"we've dated since eighth grade. we used to lay on my bed and talk about our futures together. i've always wanted to get away from my family, and go to college out of state. but i'd stay in state, just to be close to her."

"i didn't know you guys are that serious."

"were that serious." he corrects, sarcastically smiling. but his forced smile weighs heavy on his lips, and they curve into their natural frown. "it's like, the longer we go, the more she almost looks for excuses to break up with me."

"well, you guys have broken up before. maybe this is just another one of those."

he shakes his head, "not this time. she's tired of it, i know she is."

"aren't you?" i ask, and he shrugs.

"i guess. she was my first girlfriend, excusing the hookups. it feels like a part of me is being ripped off."

"i'm sorry." was all i could say. i haven't experienced anything as much as this, and i could tell he was genuinely hurt. "you can leave, if you want. i'll clean and close up."

he remaine there silently for a few seconds before standing up from his leaned position on the counter, shaking his head. "no..i'll help."

i don't stop him as he grabs a wet towel, walking past me and out the back. though i do follow him, keeping up with him as we clean down the tables. "not tutoring jack today?"

i shake my head, "um, no. he's probably busy..and stuff."

he hums, and i could tell he knew what i'd been thinking about. "i need to tell you something."

i don't turn around, but i keep my ears open. i expected him to tell me something along the lines of meredith, since we were both thinking about her. but he said something completely opposite, "i..i told gloria you were the girl in the video."

now i wish he'd told me something about meredith instead.

++
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