emotions, jack gilinsky

26

amara rahman

i looked towards jack's little group to give him some sort of rude glare, but he wasn't there. instead, i caught jack johnson's eye.

"amara!"

i slow down, but continue walking. he eventually catches up to me, "hey."

"jack didn't see you last night, right?"

i shake my head, "no. he ditched."

his eyes widen, "fuck. seriously? he lied to me."

i stop walking, "wait, what?"

"just..let me know when you see him." he tells me, patting my shoulder before heading back towards his friends.

before i could ask him what he'd been worried about it, another calls my name.

i whip back around to see cj jogging towards me, a smile present on his lips. "hey."

i smile shyly at him, "hi."

"i wanna take you somewhere tonight."

the girls beside us clear their throat, giving each other a look before walking off.

my heart drops and i wipe the smile off of my face, stepping back. "i don't know."

"not taking that as an answer." he hums, crossing his arms. "we're going out, and i don't care who knows. you shouldn't, either."

"you act like i don't have parents."

"sneak out. that's what you did all last year, right?"

i frown, "because you needed help."

"it doesn't matter. you still did."

i sigh, "i still don't know. where are we gonna go?"

"anywhere." he shrugs. "wherever you want."

"my bed." i reply, my eyes widening in realization after he raises his eyebrows.

"oh?"

"that's not what i meant." i defend harshly. "i meant i wanted to stay in bed...without you."

"alright." he winks. "anyways, meet me at my house at 8."

as he walks away, i speak up. "i still might not come."

he doesn't reply, and just continues to walk down the hallway confidently.

jack gilinsky

my head throbs as i lift it up, opening my eyes to a familiar room, though not being mine.

i roll on my back, staring at the ceiling. i wish last night was a blur, but it wasn't.

i slowly lift my arm, the arm a needle stuck itself in last night. i bite my lip, realizing i'd tried heroine last night, something i promised myself i wouldn't get into.

"i'm sorry." a voice says from behind me. i look back, meredith propping herself up on her elbow. "i let you do that last night."

i grit my teeth, "meredith—"

"you looked so sad." she whispers. "i know you're sad, jack. and i'm here for you."

i pause in my place, not letting my eyes leave hers. "you have to be stronger." she advises.

"i have no idea what you're talking about." i mutter.

"i'll take care of you." she hums, "you're  upset."

i felt a migraine come on, laying back down. i felt suffocated, like i was drowning.

i felt lonely, but she was there with me.

amara rahman

"jack, jack, jack!" the voices yell as jack goes through three shots of vodka with ease, while i sat behind a screen and watched.

i hear cj clear his throat beside me, "gilinsky's in pretty deep, huh?"

"sorry." i apologize, turning my phone off and slipping it into the back of my pocket before looking back up and blinding myself with the setting sun.

"it's fine." he chuckles, and i watch as his hand brushes past mine a few times before finally locking it in with his.

i ignore the feeling of electricity shoot up my arm and look down at my feet as they sink in the wet sand with every step.

"amara?"

"yeah?"

"i'm sorry..again. for everything."

"..it's okay, cj."

was it?

i smile into our kiss, grasping a view of his eyes before closing my own once more.

it didn't last long, though, before hearing a loud knock on the door.

my eyes shot open as his did and he jumped off of me, "someone in here?" a voice asks.

cj fits his shirt through his body and gives me a look as i do the same, fixing the bed and sitting at the edge of it.

cj opens the door, and ravyn enters with a smile. "hey guys! i was looking for you two."

"yeah uh," cj clears his throat. "we were just hanging out in here."

"cj had a headache, so i decided to keep him company." i lie right through my teeth, trying my hardest to avoid cj's eye contact.

"oh." she nods. "you two should come down, though. we're playing truth or dare."

i look over at cj, who shrugs at me. "um, why not?"

twenty minutes later, and i regretted saying yes.

"cj, truth or dare?" scott asks.

"truth." he shrugs carelessly.

"you and amara seem pretty close, would you ever fuck her? if you haven't already."

my heart sinks and i look down at the floor, trying my hardest to contain myself as eyes found their way towards me.

"um, no." he hesitates, before straightening his posture and answering once more in a confident tone. "no. i never had, and never will."

+

"you do seem close with amara." i hear marla mention to cj as i head downstairs from a bathroom break, freezing in my tracks. i look over the wall, seeing his friends laugh at him.

"yeah." scott chuckles, "you sure that was the truth back there?"

"yeah." cj nods. "i'm serious."

"you should've seen her face." someone snorts. "she was all red and shit. she definitely likes you."

"well, i don't like her."

i turn back, leaning against the wall and closing my eyes, taking a deep breath and trying to ignore them all.

"oh, come on, man. what are you doing?" i hear cj sigh.

a few laughs come from the living room as scott speaks up, and i look over to see him holding up his phone. "hey, guys! cj has a statement for all of you girls." they laugh again. "say it, dude."

"seriously—"

"come on!" they chant.

he caves in, a small smirk drawn on his lips. "i don't like amara. ugly girls aren't my type."

i loosen my grip on his hand, looking down.

***
ladies & gents how do we feel about cj?

btw people call him cj or christian for anyone who was confused.

also fun fact chapters 25 & 26 were supposed to be amara and cj's story but i'm just gonna leave it for later (;