emotions, jack gilinsky

34

amara rahman

i stare at the wooden door in front of me, the numbers '334' engraved in gold.

i press my knuckles against the door, before going to knock. my heart pounds as i wait for him to open the door. i didn't even know if he was home.

but then, the door swung open. he stares at me for a few seconds, before a small smile appears on his lips. "amara..hi."

"hi, dad." i murmur in response, my nerves tensing and relaxing at the same time.

"come in." he offers, opening the door wider into his modern styled apartment. "i was actually going to go to the diner. how come i haven't seen you lately?"

"i avoided you." i admit. "both of us did."

he nods, understanding my referral to my mother. "oh." we stand awkwardly in his doorway. "i'll just go later. here, sit down."

i take a seat on his leather couch and he sits across from me, "it's been a month, right? how are you?"

"i'm alright." i shrug. "..sorry i didn't visit earlier."

"oh, don't apologize." he sighs. "don't ever..i should be the one apologizing."

"but you're not."

he stares at his floor, "i owe you an explanation."

i shake my head, "no. i want to talk." he looks up at me curiously, and i sit up right. "i know she was an ass to you, all of the time. i wanted you two to get divorced. but to cheat on her..why? when you could've just told her you don't love her?"

"i do love her." he corrects with a small frown. "the affair..the woman..she was nothing compared to your mother. she got me in a bad place, a desperate place." i subtly roll my eyes, and he sighs. "but that's not an excuse, of course."

"you wouldn't have cheated on her if you love her, dad. you're lying."

"it's hard to explain." he admits. "but i love you, amara. and i'm sorry for hurting you..and javi, too."

i take a deep breath, feeling an urge to have another breakdown, in which i ignored as much as i could. "she hates me, dad. she treats me like shit, yet treats javi like some sort of king."

he immediately stands from his seat across from me, lifting me up and wrapping his arms around me, "i'm so sorry, amara."

i lean on his shoulder, staring at his beige walls. "why does she hate me?"

"she doesn't hate you." he murmurs. "she just doesn't understand it's hurting you."

"she does." i mutter. "she does understand, but she's practically heartless when it comes to me."

he stays silent for a few seconds, and i figured this was the perfect time to tell him what i came here to say.

i pulled away from our hug, "dad—"

"monohar, are you in here?" our heads turn to look at the woman stepping out of his bedroom, and i felt my heart drop to the bottom of my stomach.

i release my grip on him, "karina, this is amara, my daughter."

i don't bother looking at her, "nice to meet you, amara."

i press my lips into a firm line, grabbing my purse. "i should get going."

he frowns, "what? why? you were gonna tell me something—"

"i change my mind." i cut off bitterly, "i'll see you around, dad."