Disappointment (Punk Niall)

Chapter Thirty

        "Hey Niall," I say sitting in front of his grave for the first time alone, "I miss you. I mean everyone misses you but I think this has hit Leigh and Mason the most. Their doing good if you call Leigh on depression pills and Mason fighting again good..." I say awkwardly. The suns shinning down on the graveyard like its the most beautiful thing in the world.

         Nialls grave has a marble stone and rose bushes growing on either side of it. Engraved on the expensive stone was '13/09/93 Niall was a brother, a fighter, and a son. He'll be missed fiercely by those whom loved him.' 

        "You're graves beautiful. But I miss waking up to you complaining about all the pancake mix being gone because that's we ended up eating for dinner the night before because Noah was working late and we were broke. Mason misses her boxing trainer and older brother, her protector. How's the after life? Heaven or hell? Where are you?" I say while sitting down and crossing my legs in front of the grave. 

        I look around and see a few others visiting graves for a few moments and then leaving without a tear streaming down their face. It is amazing that people can be so strong visiting their loved ones in a graveyard and not in their house. I look back to Nialls grave and watch the sun glisten off the marble. Spots of black littered the carefully blended brown and beige colors, making it look unique in many ways. Niall would of loved his grave, the way its planned out and set. Mason and Leigh did it themselves.

        "Thank you again for saving me from that car. Although I wish I was buried six foot deep in the ground instead of you. Mason misses you terribly I just don't know what to do. She should be cuddling up to you mourning my death not the opposite. You should be here for her, not me. I love her but she's lost a lot and she's only sixteen. And Leigh she's depressed, she really did love you Niall, what happened long ago was just her judgement of who she'd belong with better." I say while picking at my fingers. 

        A cool breeze picks up and the faint sounds of yells and cars rolling on the pavement that made it so I kept time in the back of my mind. My phone vibrated in my pocket, no one knew I'm here, I pull it out and checked the I.D. it's Noah. I hit ignore and set my phone on the soft grass beside me. I yawn and stretch out on the grass so that I'm on my stomach. I start picking the blades of grass and rip them into tiny pieces.

        "I don't think dating would get my mind off you Niall, nothing will. I'm stuck in my imagination, wondering what it would feel like taking my life and ending it. I know I sound crazy, but I know that I'd be happier dead. But I can't, I won't, do that to Mason, Noah, and Carter. I wouldn't even do that to my mother. And you know my past with her," I say half laughing. 

        I roll onto my back and look at the passing clouds, trying to make a shape out of the random puffs that stick out. I sigh and sit up and press my finger tips to the words on the stone. 

        "Remember the first time you asked me out? And how my my friends urged me to say yes but I rejected you? I should of said yes, if I would of said yes we wouldn't be here right now. I wouldn't be talking to your dead decaying body beneath me trying to reach out to you. I can't believe I said no," I say, pulling my fingers away from the hot stone, "I just want you back..." I say, not noticing that I have began crying. 

        I sniffle and try to stop crying but there is no holding back. I just cry until I feel eyes on me and I look up to see an elderly man walking over to me. He sits on the ground next to me and he smiles. 

        "Hello," He says to me in a shaky voice. 

        "Hi," I say slowly through my sobbing. 

        "Whats that matter dear?" He asks me nicely. 

        "I miss him," I say pointing to Nialls grave.

        "Boyfriend, husband?" He asks sweetly. 
        
        "Neither. On his death bed he confessed his love for me, which I truly believed, and they took him off life support," I blubber out. 

        "My wife died of cancer," The man says pointing to the grave next to Nialls. I stop crying. 

        "I'm very sorry. Why are you smiling, may I ask?" I ask him. 

        "It's fine it was a great fight. I smile because I know that she'll always be in my heart and my memories," He says.

        I shake my head, "I don't understand," I say. 

        "Just because they're not here physically doesn't mean that they're gone mentally. You love him right?" He asks me. 

        "I do, I will always love him," I say laughing. 

        "Then keep it that way, you can also fall for someone else and always remember him as your first love," The man says. 

        "I'll keep that in mind. What's your name?" I ask him. 

        "Andy, and you miss?" Andy asks me.

        "Raelynn," I say with a smile on her face.

        "Well I better be going," Andy says while placing a single rose on her grave.

        "Bye," I say.

        "Goodbye, stay strong," He says and walks away. 

        I look at Niall's grave and smile. I stand up, blow a kiss, then leave. 

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I'll probably post the epilogue tomorrow. :* ~Nemo.