see me ; jjk

19: ex

19: ex
YERI

"What?" Lisa's eyes go wide as she gets up from the bed. I felt like ripping my hair out. I'm not getting out of this one easily.

I shut the door of her room sinking down to the floor, burying my face in my hands. I felt like crying, I don't want to talk about this, I don't think I will be able to handle it.

But I need to tell her. I need to tell someone.

I'm tired of keeping it in for so long.

"Yeri?" I could here her walk closer to me. She stands in front of me, eyes still wide. She didn't see this coming. I don't blame her.

I feel tears rushing down my face. My head was pounding just thinking about the subject. How do I explain this?

"I didn't mean for it to happen," I cry in my hands. Why am I so messed up? Why do I make stupid mistakes? Stupid mistakes!

I look up from my hands and see Lisa lowering herself to the ground across from me, tears swelling up in her eyes.

"W-were y-y-you..." She was now crying as well. I clench my my teeth and shut my eyes so hard that I start to see stars.

I'm sorry baby.

I nod my head, sobbing in my hands. I've been so distracted the past year with Jungkook, obsessing over him to forget the pregnancy.

My mistake.

Lisa throws her arms over me, crying with me. I don't move from my position, choking on my tears.

"Talk to me! Please," Lisa pulls away holding my arms. I know I need to talk about this. I know that I shouldn't have kept this from her.

Bus it's hard.

Its so hard.

I try to calm myself down, taking deep breaths. "It was two years ago," I begin. It's part of the reason why I quit soccer. I was on the team freshman year but at the beginning of sophomore year...

Things changed.

"Suho?" She asks.

I nod my head. Suho. My ex boyfriend.

My first boyfriend.

I went out with him all of summer. I was upset of being alone, not with Jungkook. Suho asked me out and decided to give him a shot.

I loved him. Maybe not as much as Jungkook... but I did love him. He took my virginity the weekend before sophomore year. He told me that he loved me and that he would give me everything. Anything I ever wanted.

And look where we are now.

"When I told him... about the b-baby," I shut my eyes, stopping myself from crying anymore. "He told his parents. They were upset. Angry at me." Lisa moves next to me, pulling me in her arms as I rested my head on shoulder. "They said is was my fault."

"It's not."

"They took him away. They moved away." I sigh, remembering the day. I didn't even get to say good bye, his parents wouldn't allow it.

"Japan," she recalls.

"I haven't spoken to him since the day I told him," I close my eyes, they felt so heavy.

"Why didn't you tell me? It must have been so hard. We assumed you were upset because he left..."

"It was only part of the story," I hug her tight, never wanting to let go. "I wish I told you. I wanted to... I didn't know how."

"You have me now. Always. I love you, I'm sorry for everything. I can't imagine what your going through," she kisses my head, tightening her grip on me.

"The timing was never right. It never is," I let out I big sigh. I wish I could go back.

"It isn't your fault."

That's what my parents told me too. That is wasn't my fault, that whatever I decided to do, they would support me no matter what.

It was so hard telling my father. His face when I told him I was pregnant, I know I hurt him. Our family.

But he stayed by my side and so did Karen. I wipe my face, feeling my tears on it as I started to cry more.

I don't deserve my life. My family.

"I chose my future over my baby," I cry out. I feel like a monster.

If I could go back I would.

But I can't.

And I will have to live with that.

"Shhhhhh," Lisa pets my hair as I cried in her arms. "You did what you thought was right, you were only 16."

Only 16.

I could have a baby right now.

My emotions are all over the place about this. I can't imagine taking care of a 1 year old and go to school.

I would've had to drop out.

I pull away from Lisa, cleaning my face with my shirt. I must look like shit right now.

"Thank you. What did I do to deserve you?" I smile at her and she gives me a big smile back.

"I'm here for you any day, anytime, anywhere, okay? You are my sister, I need to protect you." She gives me another hug, burying her face in my hair.

"I love you."

"I love you more."

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Big oof, I didn't know how to write this... but yeah there you go.