Still the One (Book 2 in the Four of Us Trilogy)

10 | Broken

Can you help me, I'm bent

I'm so scared that I'll never

Get put back together

You're breaking me in

And this is how we will end

With you and me bent

-Matchbox Twenty, "Bent"

Rachel

I stared at the phone, and before I could stop myself, I dialed Brooke's number.

"Hello?" she answered, a hesitant tone to her voice.

"Brooke. Talk to me," I greeted her shortly.

"Are you sitting down? This is going to be a lot to take in," she whispered.

"I'm in the car, Brooke. I'm sitting. Just take your time."

She waited a moment, then she began to speak.

"I've been messed up for a long time, Rachel. My life hasn't exactly been a cake walk."

"I know. Your parents dying really – "

She cut me off. "That's not what I'm talking about Rachel. But... well, it sort of started then."

"What did?"

"Just be quiet for a second and let me tell you."

"Okay, okay, sorry. Go ahead."

"We were fourteen when they were killed... and do you remember what happened after that?"

I thought for a moment. "I remember you started going to a lot of parties, staying out late, that kind of thing."

"Right. Well, I started drinking a lot, and I lost my virginity at one of those parties," she said. That didn't surprise me; she had told me when it happened. "One night, around Christmas break, I was pretty wasted. I had drunk more than ever, and I was dancing with Nicholas Hartigan. Do you remember him? A senior when we were freshmen?"

"Yeah, I remember him. He was super-hot, right?"

She scoffed. "Yeah. That night, Rachel, he... he raped me."

I gasped. "What? You never told me that!"

"I know. I never told anyone. He told me if I did, that he would kill me. And I believed him too... he was so violent, Rachel. He didn't just rape me – he beat the shit out of me."

Tears sprang to my eyes. "I remember that, Brooke. I remember you had bruises on your arms, and you told me you got them from getting blood drawn at the doctor... and I never even questioned you. I never even noticed that something was wrong. My God, Brooke. I am so sorry."

"No, Rachel. Stop. You don't have to apologize. That's not why I'm telling you this. I'm telling you this so you can understand why my life has spiraled the way it has."

"Okay... but that was six years ago, B. How does that connect with what's happening now?" I hated to ask the question, but I had to know.

"Well, ever since that night, I never thought I was good enough. I felt – damaged, broken. And I slept with pretty much anyone who wanted it because I felt that it could never mean anything for me again. Until Luke. He made all of that go away. For a while... but six months ago, I started feeling depressed again. For some reason, I kept having flashbacks to that night when Nicholas raped me. And when I started hanging out with Madison, she introduced me to some ways to dull the pain." She didn't have to go into detail; I knew what she meant. "And when I started doing heroin, I felt – once again – like I wasn't good enough. I didn't deserve someone so precious, so wonderful. So, I broke it off with Luke. The high numbed the pain I felt, the pain I guess I never dealt with."