Pieces of Me

Sixth Piece

There is a piece of me that forgives, but there is also a piece of me that won't forget.

I will never forget what Matty did to me.

He left me.

He let people hurt me, something that he promised to never let happen.

He reached out to me after my mom passed away. He said that he would always be there for us.

But he wasn't.

And I'm not saying that I forgive Matty now, but someday it may happen and I want to make sure that I'm okay with that.

While we are on our road to recovery, I decided to make the best of it. I need to make sure that if I ever do forgive him that it's what I want and what I need. He was my best friend for a long time and he just threw it away; he threw me away.

********

*10 Years Ago*

"Anna Bear?" Matty asked me. We were laying in the grass in his backyard staring up at the sky. It was the night before our first day at high school and this was a ritual for us. Before every new year of school starts, the night before we lay on the grass and just watch the stars. "I'll never leave you."

I giggled because we promised not to talk. "I know, Matty."

"You know I love you, right?" He added.

I beamed. I love this boy with everything in me, he will always be my best friend. "I love you more."

"Now, stop talking and enjoy the stars." He pretended to sass.

I gasped. "Me?!"

"Yes, you." He chuckled, not looking at me and trying to hold his composure.

I laughed this time, pinching his cheeks playfully. "Mushy Matty."

"Excuse me?" He beamed, finally looking down at me.

Matty always tells me how much he loves me, and how he would never, ever dream of leaving me behind. I believe him with everything in me, he is my best friend and I love him more than any person on this planet besides my mom.

"You're excused." I laughed out once more as he begin his tickle torture.

********

Ugh.

These fuming memories come through my head and they play like a movie. But it's a movie that I didn't pay admission to. I don't want to see any parts of this movie, yet it plays over and over in my head.

This movie is just about to get longer. With a sequel.

I agreed to meet up with Matty.

I honestly don't trust myself around him, he sucked me in for years only to ditch me in the end, when I really needed him.

And I don't know if I hate him ...

I know that I still love him, I would never want him harmed, but I don't trust him. He could leave me again at anytime.

"What are you doing?" Mandy asked me as I laid a pair of dark washed skinny jeans and a black tank top on my bed.

I shrugged. "I'm just going out for a little bit, to the park, to get some ice cream..." I trailed out. I hated lying to her, but I don't want to bring her into my shenanigans. I was getting dressed to meet up with Matty. "Do you want to come?"

I asked her only to cover my tracks.

Please say no. Please say no.

"No, I'm just going to read and relax until tonight." Mandy replied.