𝙚𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙚 236

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Two full cups of coffee, one each hand. One for me and one for Dr. Jung or, as he said, Hoseok. I started to go often to him, without asking for a specific session. It's Dr. Jung, or Hoseok, that asks me to visit him; He says that I'm his favorite patient, that he likes my personality and that he'll help me. 

I started to feel less lonely.

I've made myself comfortable when I'm around him. I can talk of everything and he doesn't judge. He doesn't like to ask too many questions.If I feel that I don't want to say something, Hoseok won't insist.  If I'm silent, he tries to catch all the words that I cannot say or what I feel, or what I try to hide, he understands quickly.

I feel so good around him.

I open the door's office and try not to spill the liquid inside the cups. While I'm in the doorstep, Hoseok is looking at some documents.

Sometimes I help to tidy the books, or to put some papers in some binders. He appreciates my work and my company. And when I go home I feel more satisfied with myself. I help him, even when I can make more, and I feel more useful. And then, the way he smiles at me, the way he tries to make myself at home... his gestures makes me feel searched, and maybe, wanted.

But, on the other hand, going back home means creating distance between us. Every step taken from the door is a nostalgic conviction. I feel my heart heavier and my muscles melting. I'm not hungry anymore. I feel like eating is useless and, since I don't have the will and the strength to do something else, I go to bed, wishing that tomorrow will come faster so that I will see him. I can't sleep immediately, and when my eyes close I can see Hoseok's face. I re-experience the moments passed with him.

I've never felt like this, I'm happy and mournful at the same time. 

I'm not used at so many little attentions given to me, and I feel like I'm loosing my mind.

"So I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah."