I'm NOT a faggot (UNDER EDITING)

- Chapter 32 -

Pov Jason
"You're sure you're gonna be fine?" Nate asked as we walked to my house to get my bike.
"Yeah, it's just school, nothing I can't handle" I said as I pulled my sleeves down a bit, covering up the scars that the cuts left behind.
"Really sure?" he asked as I opened up the garage, taking my bike.
"Yes" I said and forced a smile.
"You've been handeling just fine without my assistence which means that people are finally calming down and Peter isn't such an ass as he was so yes Nathan. Nothing I can't handle"
"If you insist" he sighed and got on his bike.
"Catch me if you can!"
"Hey! No fair! You've got a headstart!" I yelled and started the chase.

"Jacester!" André laughed and punched me on my back.
"I'm glad you're finally back!"
I tried to hide the pain as he slapped me. He was just trying to be friendly but all it did was hurting me. I could feel the cuts and bruises sting and bit my lip.
"Y-Yeah, g-great" I forced out and saw Nate frown.
"He hurt you, didn't he?"
"Maybe... J-just a little" I whispered and saw André's eyes widen.
"I-I'm sorry, I didn't know" he appologized but I just smiled.
"No, it's nothing, I'm just a bit fragile at the moment" I joked and forced out a chuckle. I was forcing myself to act happy around the others, even though I was already having a hard time keeping my eyes open during third period. I was used to napping all the time now so it was hard to stay focussed and awake in class.
"Hey, everything okay?" Nate asked as I laid my head down during lunch.
"Yeah... Just tired" I sighed and grabbed my bag, searching for my medication. The doctors said to only use it when I felt it was necessary so I wouldn't rely on the drug to much. But I needed it to stay awake, even if it made me act a little weirder than usual. I also took my other drugs, my own drugs... The ones I've been taking ever since Jackson died... They wouldn't notice, I thought, not with everything that I'm taking at the moment. I took out the package and tried to open it in my current position, which was a little challenging.
"And what is this?" Simon asked as he took the small box out of my hands.
"Hey! Give it back!" I shouted a bit louder than I had anticipated.
"Just curious" Sim said as he read the package.
"Antidepressants-"
He stopped right away as I snatched the box from him. He just stared at me, just like everyone who heard. I stuffed everything in my bag and walked away. I heard them repeat that word until everyone at the table knew it. Antidepressants... I ran into the bathroom with tears in my eyes and watched at myself in the mirror. I was a mess... A walking mess... I locked myself up in a stall and took my medication, swallowing the pill without any trouble.
"Jason?"
I froze for a moment and became like solid, completely unmoving.
"Are you in here?" Nate asked. I didn't react. I just sat there, crying silently.
"I know you're here, you know" he sighed.
"I saw you coming in so you better answer me before I get mad"
"What do you want me to say?" I asked, sobbing.
"Sorry I didn't told you what kind of mess you've been dating?"
"What? No! Jace, please, listen to me" he said and came to my stall.
"I love you, you know you can tell me everything right? I'm here for you and I always will be... Those antidepressants... Do you take them because of Jackson?"
I started crying even more and opened my stall, hugging him.
"I'm nothing without him..." I whispered through the tears.
"I'm a walking trouble magnet... Everywhere I go chaos awaits me and it's all my own fault..."
"It's not" Nate stated and pulled me close.
"Yes it is" I hissed and started struggling, wanting to free myself from his grip, only hurting myself more.
"No. It's not" he repeated.
"Yes it is!" I screamed, crying, fighting against him.
"I killed him Nathan! I-I killed him!"
I pushed him away from me, took my bag and ran off. Like I always did. Like the coward that I was. I ran to the lonely bench behind the school and kicked it in frutration. I'm such a screw up! I sat down and started crying heavily, my head in my hands, leaning onto my knees. I opened my bag and stuffed another pill in my mouth. I just wanted to pain to go away... I wanted Jack with me... Why did he had to die while I stayed alive?!
"J-Jace..?"
I looked aside and saw Nathan, crying, shaking a bit. It broke my heart seeing him like that but than it hit me... This was my fault... I did this to him. I hurt him, like I always hurt everyone.
"Just stay away" I muttered as I wiped my tears away.
"No" he spoke with a clear voice and walked up to me.
"I'm not gonna leave you, you hear me?! I-I won't let you beat yourself up in silence! I won't let you hurt yourself!"
He sat down beside me and pulled me in a hug, refusing to let me go.
"I won't let you go. Never. I won't make that mistake ever again" he whispered determined and held me tight.
"I knew you were hiding something... That you were fighting you own silent battle... I knew... I knew something was wrong Jason, I just felt it..."
"It's not the first time you've known someone with depression, is it?" I stated on a neutral voice. I hated talking about it. I wouldn't even mention it in my notebook. Why? Cause I was ashamed. I needed chemicals to sustain happiness and it made me feel so damn weak. Nathan and I just sat there in silence, holding each other close.
"Have I ever told you how I discovered I'm gay?" he asked, breaking the tense atmosphere.
"Nope" I sighed.
"Well, Emily used to be my girlfriend, believe it or not... It's the reason she hates me now... I broke her, or rather, I broke something inside her. Something just snapped and no matter how hard I tried explaining myself, she just wouldn't listen..."
"Emily? Your girlfriend? Seriously?" I asked as I felt the drugs kick in.
"Lets get back inside, class is about to start" he said and got up.
"What about your story? I'm curious" I said.
"You're gonna have to find out in the next chapter" he smirked and winked at me.