(Loki x reader) The Evil One

4: Nightmares

"Y/N! Wake up darling."

My shoulders shook, and I couldn't wake up. This is what happens when you have nightmares.

They were so childish, but I couldn't help it.

"Please angel, wake up."

I heard the soft pleas, and tried to stir. However, the terrible dreams had other ideas.

I saw all the people I'd killed, I saw all the terrible things I'd done. I saw all the memories of torture I'd endured, and it haunted me all the time, constantly, vividly, and worse in my nightmares.

I felt a hand on my forehead and the dreams dissolved quickly, allowing me to gasp and open my eyes.

In front of me was an extremely nervous looking God.

"Loki?"

"It's okay," he whispered.

I only say up, quicker then intended, and he removed his hand. My vision swirled in the quick movement,

"I-I'm such a horrible person," I whimpered to myself.

"No, no kitten, you're not," he argued.

I argued back, "I've killed almost as many people as you!"

He shook his head slowly. "No, Angel, no."

I was suddenly aware of my attire, being only my bra and really short shorts. I was also aware of our close proximity, and the tears in my face.

I wiped at them furiously, and he gripped my wrist.

"Be soft with yourself," he whispered, and used his cold but soft thumb to wipe away the rest.

The soft gesture gave me goosebumps and made me shiver.

But more tears fell, and he looked like he was about to panic.

"I-I'm so bad! The avengers-they-they should've killed me," I sobbed, looking into his eyes with intense earnestness.

He looked very hurt when I cried this.

"If they did that, I wouldn't get you," he said slowly.

My sobs stopped long enough to give him a devastating look.

Then they started again. But I didn't reach for him; I shrank away into the corner of the wall, huddling my legs to my chest and crying.

He looked scared again, unsure of what to do.

I hid, looking up at him, still letting tears fall and the occasional heave to shake me.

I wasn't able to feel any emotion but scared and sadness, breathing shallow and terrified. I felt numb, sure that I'd never be happy anymore.

He slowly raised his legs onto the bed, crawling toward me very cautiously. I shrank into myself.

"N-no!"

He reached for me anyway, placing a hand softly on my cheek, running one finger over the shell of my ear.

"It's going to be okay," Loki whispered.

I was also shocked he showed any emotion, comforting someone wasn't his forte.

"No," I hid my face in my hands.

I felt him shuffle closer.

We'd never had much contact, but that was about to change.

He grabbed my arms and gave a sharp tug, and I ended up in his lap with him in the corner. His legs wrapped around me, holding me in place while I shook. I gasped a few times at his cold hands placed on my back and one on my stomach.

"Everything is going to be fine," he was watching me carefully as I let tears fall.

"No, no..I shouldn't be alive, I-I don't deserve it-"

"Don't you dare say that," he hissed, but appeared to regret it when I balked, trying to get out of his grip. He held tight, and I soon gave in.

"I don't want you to ever say you're undeserving of life," he whispered lowly into my ear.

I shook my head slowly.

He seemed to get frustrated. "I don't understand you women sometimes."

"Oh, I'm-I'm so sorry I'm-I'm a woman." I snarkily said through shaky breathes and a heave at the end.

"Oh kitten, that's not what I meant," he said. "You need to understand I'm still a monster. I'll say horrible things all the time, but I won't mean them."

"You're not a-a monster, Loki. I am."

His hands ran up and down my arms in a soothing pattern, and soon I was breathing in a normal pattern.

He turned me in his lap to look into my eyes.

"You are very much deserving of life. You've saved more then you've killed, and that's far more than I've accomplished. I need you to understand that you are worthy."

"I'm not 'worthy'" I said the last word with so much contempt I shocked myself.

"I'm not going to keep listening to you tear yourself down."

"I-I want to just-"

"I just want you to be silent for a moment, darling," he whispered. I obeyed, and felt sleep take over instantly.

I think that was his fault.