The Bad Girl's Kit Kat (GirlxGirl)

34| Confused

Skylar|

I'm not the best person, let's be real.
I'm a mess, I like to start messes, and worst of all, I don't clean any of my messes.

The girl in the pink bikini snuck me up to her room without a problem. She was becoming an expert at it since I've showed up to her house like this more often than I liked. I had on a gray t-shirt that contained a bunch of holes and black denim short shorts. My shoes were missing somewhere within the bar crowd so all I had on were socks. There was puke on my shirt and I don't know if it had been mine or someone else's. Kiersten had me sitting on the edge of her bed. Tissues and cleaning supplies were spread all around her room's dresser top.

"Fuck, that's so cold" I yelped. Kiersten was cleaning my face with cold water that felt like it came straight outta Antarctica.

"Not sorry" she sighed. "You need to take better care of yourself... you shouldn't be vomiting."

Her eyes were a lot duller than they used to be towards me. I could tell she was getting tired of my ways; that was something I've noticed for a while now. It was amazing to see how far she's come since the first day she met me. I remember how illiterate she had seemed with only a few words that were pronounceable to her. She didn't need as many pauses or breaths the way she used to when she talked and I was so fucking proud. Her volleyball went amazing as well and I couldn't help but feel happy for her. She finished the season out strong, cheering for the players since she had still been benched. "Vodka does shit to me" I said out loud.

I knew I shouldn't be doing this to her, especially with all that she's been through. However, even though I tried to change, it just wasn't an option for me. I believe that some people were just made to be the way they are and like Amy Winehouse said, 'I was made for good fuckery.' For a while, I was living a dream rather than a reality. I'd wake up to the most innocent and beautiful girl, watching her sleep against me with the cutest button nose. After that dream of being able to hold her and protect her fades, you're left with the reality of a screwed up teenager who can't stop popping pills and going out for fun. I just wasn't ready to give any of those things up. I'm not saying that I won't ever, but for right now at only the age of 16, going steady with someone was too mind fucking.

Taking the cloth off of my face, "Stop d- drinking then" she voiced.

"I can't live without my alch" I said truthfully; I've known that I had a problem with drinking since the age of 14.

The volleyball player was now on her knees, grabbing a hold of my cut feet that apparently was bleeding. There were small rocks being extracted from my layers of skin, then treated with rubbing alcohol. That shit fucking burned, especially because most of my feet have been injured due to the temperature of the pavement. She was gently rubbing aloe cream on the wounded areas.

It broke my heart watching how humble she had still been towards me. For the last 3 months, I've been nothing but a pain in the ass to her. Kiersten would still be there for me and that's what hurt the most because I was slowly waiting for her to stop caring. Everything that I have done to her, wasn't something I was oblivious to. I did it on purpose.

She was too good for me and it would be impossible to balance our differences. Many people say that you shouldn't change for someone else and I knew if I were to ask her to be mine, her ultimatum would consist of a long list that I could care less for. Timing to me has always been very important and sometimes you meet the right people at the wrong time. I've thought about our scenario millions of times and that's what drives me to drink. I knew that I could not bear to look at her the way she does now if I was sober. The only way for Kiersten to detach was to make myself less appealing so that she'd move on. It was the least painful thing that I could do for her and believe me, normally I would have no problem dropping someone.