Fear Wont Last Forever

Chapter 13

Chapter 13

 

 

I don’t think I’ve ever been more confused in my entire life. I’ve been tossing and turning all night long, my thoughts keeping me awake yet again, also a bit because my dad had hit my arm a few times last night and they were a pain to sleep on now. I felt like a jerk for leading Vic on and then shutting him down after. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. Here he is, actually trying to be my friend, and I’m just making it hard for him. I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t want to be my friend anymore. My biggest problem though is the fact that I like him and im still not sure if we should actually date. I feel like something would tear us apart, like the world will create something to throw at us like it always does. I let out a long hard sigh, exhausted from not being able to sleep.

 I rolled out of my bed and went to my bathroom where we keep all of our medicine. I grabbed some of my sleeping pills I used to take and swallowed 2, in hopes they would help. I decided to go to my kitchen and have something quick to eat before going back to bed, it was after all 2:30am and I had to be up in 5 and a half hours. I grabbed a bowl and poured myself some cereal, not caring about how loud I was because my dad was passed out and barely anything wakes him up. I ate my food quickly and walked back to my room, collapsing on the bed. I just wish an idea on what to do would pop in my mind already.

I felt like I hadn’t got any sleep last night, but I know I did fall asleep at one point because here I am awake now. I crawled out of bed, feeling the same I had last night. I pulled on my casual clothing and walked out to see my dad not awake yet, not that I cared today. I didn’t bother eating because I wasn’t hungry. So I slung my bag over my shoulder and walked out of my house to walk to school, figuring Vic wouldn’t be picking me up, that was until I got a text from him.

Vic: I’m coming to get you now.

I was surprised he’d actually want to pick me up after I shut him down yesterday. I tried to think of something to say to him. Maybe he wanted to act like nothing happened between us yesterday which I would be okay with completely. I stood there awkwardly waiting to get picked up and then I saw his car coming towards me. My stomach began to rise in anxiety and I didn’t know whether or not I should act like I didn’t see his text and run inside, or toughen up. Before I could make my decision, his car was parked right in front of me.

“Get in” he said, not sounding exactly pleased to see me. 

I dropped my head in sorrow and walked to the side of the car and hopped in the front, only to realize Mike wasn’t in the car today.

“Where’s Mike?”  I instantly asked, knowing if he isn’t here this was going to be one hell of an awkward ride to school.

“Made him walk, you and I need to talk” he stated and I felt like I was going to vomit all over his car in nerves.

“Okay” I simply said, not sure if I could choke out any other words.

He started up the car and started to drive away towards the school, I guess he wanted to talk there or something. My mind was racing with something I could say. I didn’t exactly know how this conversation was going to go. I get that he’s mad at me but from my perspective, it’s not like it’s that bad, right? The car parked, sooner than I wanted it too, because I still hadn’t thought of what to say. The bell had already gone so the parking lot was empty. Vic turned to me and stared at me for a little while, I kept looking straight.

“Look at me Kellin” he said and I slowly moved my head towards him, my eyes meeting his.

“So…” I said awkwardly