I do love you // Jungkook x depressed! reader

(Y/n)

There's a girl named (y/n). She's dumb and she deserves to die. And she wants to die, which is good. With boring (h/c) hair and (e/c) eyes, she's worth nothing. She's ugly and stupid and worthless.

    This girl is me.

    I dropped out of high school during freshman year in order to work full time. My dad walked out on me when I was nine. He was always so sweet. He'd make snacks for me for after school and I would run into the kitchen and yell, "Appa!" My mom was sweet and kind. She had a patience that could last for eternity. She never got mad and she loved everyone despite the mistakes they made.
    After my dad walked out on us, I would run into the kitchen and yell "Appa!" Expecting to see him there making snacks. But he was no longer there. Instead, I would see my mom at the kitchen table with bottles and bottles of alcohol with her head in her hands. For a month she blamed herself, but after drowning her liver in wine and vodka, she began to blame me.
    She'd tell me that I was a mistake and that I deserved to die. She told me, when I was nine, to cut myself with a kitchen knife. She'd throw glass bottles at me and beat me until my legs wouldn't move for two days. I'd always stick around the park to avoid my house, and the park was where I found happiness.
    By middle school, kids began to bully me. I was a sensitive target so they took advantage of me. They'd slam me into the lockers and hit me until I was bruised. Then I'd go home and get hit by my mom until I was bleeding. At the park, kids from school would wait for me and curse me out while chasing me with pocket knives.
    Once I was done with middle school, I transferred to a new high school. I thought I'd be safer there. But I wasn't. As a new student, seniors would harass me, telling me rape threats. Once they discovered my scars, things only got worse until I could no longer attend school safely. I dropped out and began working at convenience stores to pay for bills and my moms debt. She began gambling online leaving me with thousands of dollars in debt to pay off.
    It got so bad I had to shut off our electricity and water for a whole week in order to save enough money to eat a whole dinner. I took online courses in the library at late hours only to come home to my mom, who would be passed out on the couch from alcohol poisoning. One day, she didn't wake up and when I checked her pulse, there was nothing.
    I buried her in the backyard with no tears. I didn't have time to cry over someone who carved the word "worthless" onto my bicep when I was twelve years old. At 15 I became desperate. I applied for any job possible, even jobs that would exploit me. I would do anything for money so I could pay of the thousands of dollars in debt. I sold all my special belongings like necklaces hand made for me when I was a baby just to pay off my monthly bills.
    One day I saw an ad for a high paying job as a maid for a rich family, 6 miles away from my town. I called the number and scored an interview in two days time. I pulled together my most decent outfit, pulled my hair up, and began the long walk to the family's house before the sun came up. I managed to make it to the interview on time. The house was large and a caramel color. It had at least 5 floors with large extravagant windows. A large pond sat in their front yard with coy fish swimming in the water. I walked past a small grove of trees and with a knock on the door, a sweet woman with black hair opened it up and looked at me curiously.
    I explained how I came for the interview and she ushered me inside, offering tea and crackers. We walked into a large room with marble floors. She introduced herself as Mrs. Jeon. We sat in the large sitting room underneath an extravagant chandelier decorated with diamonds. The walls were pure white and a window showed the peach trees just outside their house. We discussed things such as my current school (online), my expertise (care giving for other people and homes), my age, name, and hobbies (15, (y/n) (l/n), drawing and cooking).
    She then introduced me to her husband, who had bowed politely to me and left for work. She lead me around the house and gave me a tour of each and every room of the large manor. She took me up each floor showing me wear the supply closet was, the bathrooms, their bedroom. She showed me the kitchen which had marble countertops and a sleek black fridge. She showed me to a large room on the top floor and explained it was her son's, Jungkook. Just than a half-naked "Jungkook" walked into the room with wet hair from a particularly large bathroom. He looked about 16-17, but I payed no attention to him. I turned to his mother and asked if the tour was over.
    She led me back to the kitchen where she had a list of the things she would need done around the house. All of which, I could do. I told her I'd be willing to do the job and I gave her my phone number. She said she'd call me back if I got the job and I set off to my house by late afternoon. Once is arrived home, I walked into the kitchen and checked the fridge, which I had completely forgotten to refill. I pulled off my clothes and changed into a large pair of sweatpants and a tank top.
    I thought back to her son, Jungkook. He was kind of hot. I then laughed at my ridiculous thoughts. Yeah, he was hot. He had light brown hair and a toned body. And I was ugly and stupid. I lifted my arm to look at the multiple scars that covered my forearms. I ran my thumb over the bumps caused from cutting open my skin multiple times. I frowned, tears forming in my eyes.
    I was nothing but a disgusting excuse for a human being. Who could possibly love that?