I do love you // Jungkook x depressed! reader

Dream

    I woke up in a cold sweat. My breathing was heavy and I couldn't focus on where I was or what was happening. I kept thinking about my school years before I dropped out. Before I could delve further into my past, Nabi licked my face, bringing me back to reality.
    I was home, in bed with Jungkook.
    I let out a weak chuckle and pet Nabi's head as a thank you. Nabi licked my face once more before curling back up and falling asleep. I looked at Jungkook's face and frowned. Years ago when he was sixteen he had a young face, but now his face was masculine. He really was a man now. In the three years we hadn't talked his cheeks lost their fullness, he became a muscle pig, and he stopped stretching his ears.
I reached up to his face and laid my hand on his cheek. We really have grown up. Sometimes I think that I don't change and that I'm still the dangerously thin girl who had pale skin and eyes with no shine. But sometimes when I look in the mirror, I can see the way my eyes sparkled after eating dinner with Jungkook or playing video games with the boys. I could see how my face had filled out and how my skin color returned, and how I looked healthy.
Jungkook let out a low groan and I softly stroked his hair, smiling at him. In all the years, he wakes up the exact same. He groans, sits up with closed eyes, and stays like that until someone forces him up. He forced his eyes open and stared at me.
    "Why the hell did you have to wake me?" He grumbled. I could tell he wasn't really angry but he definitely didn't want to wake up.
    "Sorry, I just had a nightmare," I said. It wasn't really true. I had a dream about my past, not a nightmare about some monsters or something. He chuckled and reached out, putting his hand on my neck and messing with my hair.
    "Go back to sleep so I can go back to sleep," he mumbled, closing his eyes. I knew he was going to fall asleep anyway so I just watched as his face relaxed and his breathing became steady. His hand was still on my neck so I slowly slipped out from under him. I crept out of my bedroom and onto the patio, closing the glass door behind me.
I stopped believing in God a long time ago. If he was real, I wouldn't have suffered this bad. I wouldn't have my safe and happy childhood ripped away from me. And I would never forgive him. That's what I thought back when I was fifteen. But now, in the night, staring up into the stars and the moon, I felt someone. I felt like I wasn't alone anymore. I felt like I was being watched over, whether by God or some supernatural being, I didn't feel like I was wandering the earth alone.
I closed my eyes and felt the cool breeze against my body, tugging at my sleep shirt. I looked down and smiled. It was the same BIGBANG shirt Jungkook wore when he first pulled up my sleeve years ago. I let out a content sigh and closed my eyes again. I felt tears run down my cheeks and I smiled.
I don't want to die. I want to start a family. Be better than my parents. I wanted to grow old with a ring on my finger and loving family who wouldn't hit me. Who wouldn't call me worthless. Who wouldn't leave me. I put my hand on my stomach and sighed. I wanted to start a new life and give it the world, so they wouldn't have to suffer like me.
I opened my eyes and leaned over the railing, looking down. I watched cars drive by and people walk around as if it was still day time. I stepped away and sat down on the grass. Running my hand over the soft blades of grass, I began to sing Spring Day. I loved that song not because a Jungkook's band had made it, but because I knew the lyrics. I could relate to them so much, I felt like it was made for me. Which, of course, it wasn't. But I still had a strong connection with the song.
I felt my eyes close and I grew tired while muttering the lyrics. Slowly, my body fell asleep.
I was on the ground, crying my eyes out. I felt warm arms wrap around me. I looked up and saw a blurry face. I couldn't make out any features but it was warm and light, unlike the cold darkness of my past. I squinted my teary eyes trying to focus on the face, but all I could see was a blurred face of warm yellow.
"It's going to be okay. I'm sorry for what you went through, but everything will be just fine." The voice was deep and masculine, yet I had never heard it before. The voice sounded like it could melt chocolate with how welcoming and warm it sounded. It felt reassuring and relaxing to listen to. I took a deep breath and relaxed my body.
"It's all over. Everything that hurt in the past is all over. Don't try to die anymore. There's so much more life has to offer you."
I opened my eyes and saw the sun rising above the city skyline. I smiled gently and stood up, walking away. The dream from last night was strange, definitely. But something about it felt so reassuring.