Prego and the Phoenix 🐇↩️✔

Bourne - Fourteen

Please don't look at me. I'm ugly and sad inside. Please look away and remember me the way I was before. If you do, then maybe we can move on. But if you must look at me, just don't hate me. If you do... I won't live again.

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I open my eyes and moan, sitting up. I look around, the room unfamiliar and I look down at my stomach. There is just enough light to look and try to see the wound. I can't see it as well as I thought I might in the dim light but I feel where the scar is. I make a face, for that won't be good when I see Arabella again. I bet she's worried sick...
I hear a noise and stop in my thoughts as I look down. There is someone beside me. I turn my head when she turns over. My heart stops and I look around the room in a panic. This is not my room, nor my mother's room or anything belonging to me. This is Arabella's room and this is Arabella's bed. I look down at myself and find the T-shirt I was wearing and my boxers on and I quickly put my hand on my chin.
Beard is gone.
Shit. This is bad!
She saw me... I remember now and she saw me as a child. A little boy.
I scramble out of her bed, shaking in fear and embarrassment. She saw me like that... that pitiful state... I feel my emotions taking a hold of me, for she wasn't supposed to see until I felt she loved me enough. Until I thought that she was the one! I stumble back and run from her room and toward the door. I find the rest of my clothes there and I pick them up, running as fast as I can.
She saw me!
She saw me!
She'll never have any love for me.
I've lost everything...

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I get to my house and knock on the door frantically. The door opens and Ma is standing there, sleep in her eyes and he hair messed up.
"Miel, there you are. We were wor- What's wrong?" she says, waking up at my state.
I'm sure I was a sight. I am shaking and in tears of hurt. I hate to cry, it's such and unmanly trait but to know that I may not have her again, not ever see her again... I can't help the fear that is welling up inside of me and I can't help the pain that I know will come with her rejection.
My humiliation...
"She saw me..." I choke out, ready to crumble. "She saw me and... and..."
Ma holds her arms out and I just fall into them, scared out of my mind. I shake like a leaf in her arms as she leads me to the couch in the living room.
"What happened?"
"She saw me! She saw me in those states and... I got shot but... Oh god, Ma! She saw me!" I sob, wanting to just melt away and never be seen again.
I just want to curl up and die. The amount of embarrassment that I am feeling could never be felt by anyone else. No one knows how much it hurts to be this way. I hear the doors open to the back of the house where the twins are sleeping and I feel Ma shake her hand as she shoos them away. They ignore her as usual and Lochner bends down to look at me. I turn away.
Humphrey snarls and goes back to the room, the door slamming loudly.
"Come on, miel." Ma says, helping me stand. "Let's get some sleep."
I stand, my legs shaking like leaves on a stormy wind and she lays me down on my own bed. I hold onto my pillow and stare blankly at the wall near the window. She knows about me now and there is nothing I can do to stop the pain that will ensue.