Prego and the Phoenix 🐇↩️✔

Bourne - Sixteen

Things are hard to forget and even if they leave the mind of everyone else, if it happens to you, you can never truly forget it. But there are things that you try as hard as you can to forget but just won't leave your mind. Sometimes you wish you could find something to ease the pain...

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No one can understand the fear and pain that goes through me whenever I change forms and ages. They don't see the look on people's faces... They can't understand what it's like to forget for a moment on who you are and who your own family is. To stare at them with complete and utter confusion and unknowing. No one can understand that sort of pain.
A knock on my door sounds through my room but I don't move. I keep my back to the door and just hug myself a little more.
"Bourne? Miel, are you hungry?" I hear my mother ask.
I don't answer and I feel her sit down beside me, touching my shoulder softly.
"Please talk with me."
"I don't feel well... Just leave me alone."
"Are you alright?"
"Please, just go away. I don't want to talk about it anymore."
She sighs and leaves the room as I wallow in my self-pity for a little while longer. Sure it is a little stupid and also a little childish but I deserve to feel sorry for myself. No one else will understand the full extent of my sorrow enough to do it for me. And then when I am done feeling sorry for my state, I will get up and move on as if nothing happened and I am perfectly fine. I just need to be able to revel for a moment, think about things...
I remember everything that happened and even though she was nice to me, I just can't trust it. I wasn't ready for her to see me like that and had been hoping against all hopes that she would never find out until I told her about it. Then she would just dismiss it as some strange family secret and everything would be fine. But I got shot... it was so cold... God! What a joke!
But why was she so understanding? She even helped me wash myself, being kind enough to keep my modesty and my feelings. Why would she do that? I just can't wrap my head around why she acted the way she did. My other girlfriend wasn't bad to me but she didn't treat me with respect like that. All she did was bring me back to my mother and said I have no idea what to do. Is it because Arabella is with child that she felt differently toward me?
Thinking about her makes my head hurt and also my heart. To think that she knows...

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A couple of weeks have gone by and I feel a whole lot better. I hardly think about her anymore and I am ready to face the day. I decide that I don't feel like going back to school and now I can focus on my job as a preloader at UPS and not go to school. Of course Ma-Ma didn't seem too happy.
"Why do you not go back to school? You can avoid her but you still get your education." She says, over dinner. "Besides, she calls for you every night. I think she is worried. Why don't you talk to her?"
"Ma, I don't want to talk to her. I'm done with all this nonsense. I'll just live a bachelor for the rest of my life if I have to. I'm tired of feeling like total shit when I phoenix, having the burden of the secret and hoping to god they don't find out. No, I'm done with it."
"Bourne-"
"No! Ma, I'm sick of it! I'm sick of feeling this way! You will never understand what it feels like to lose yourself like that. Please take my feelings into consideration."
Ma sighs but only looks at the twins with an apprehensive look.
Humphrey shrugs, a bandage still over his nose from some fight he got into but Lochner seems a little mad at me. The phone rings and I ignore it, knowing that it's Arabella. She calls every day but I'm tired of all of this. I want it to end and so the only way I can do that is by letting it all go. Lochner gets up and answers the phone.
"Hello? Hey... Yeah he's alright... I promise... I don't know, I can ask him." He turns to me. "Can you at least tell her yourself that you're alive? She's been so scared..."
I sigh and get up, taking the receiver.
"This is Bourne."
"Bourne! Oh my god, I thought you were sick or something! Are you alright? Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, it's fine."
"Okay... It's so good to hear your voice."
"Is that all?" I ask a little too forced.
"Bourne!" Ma chastises.
"Uh... yes? Why are you avoiding me? Is it about what happened?"
"Arabella-"
"Because I didn't care about all of that but I mean-"
"Arabella."
"Yes?"
"Please stop calling me. I'm done... I'm done with you."
There is silence on the other end of the phone and I think that she has hung up.
"Why?"
"What?"
"Why are you saying these things? Did I not do something right?"
"Just... Just don't try to contact me anymore. I'm sorry."
I hang up the phone and sigh, turning back to my family. Ma is staring at me with her mouth open and the twins are looking at me identically, straight backed and staring.
"What?" I growl, sitting back down.
No one says anything but just continues to eat in silence.