I don't belong to you

Chapter 15

Spencer's POV

I felt awful. All night I thought about what he said. I often forgot everything he has gone through, only because he was so patient and strong through it all. I tried to imagine myself in his shoes, taking myself through all the events. And I couldn't imagine it, because it was too painful. To actually experience what he went through is a hundred times worse than thinking about it. Seriously? How awful of a person am I? I get mad because some woman came on to him... and he watched me cry over my fiancée for months. How can I even-

There was a knock on the front door.

I waited for Toby to answer. They kept knocking (obviously Toby wasn't awake to hear it).

I quickly ran down the stairs and opened the door. "Emily," I wasn't expecting to see her here. "What are you doing here?"

"Toby said I could have Hayden for the day... He must've forgot." She then looked at me. I'm sure Toby filled her in. And I'm sure she was confused seeing me at his house this early.

"I'll go wake him up," I invited her in.

I quickly ran up the stairs and went into his room. He wasn't there. "weird," I whispered to myself.

I went into Hayden's room and sure enough they were both sound asleep. Hayden was sleeping on Toby's chest. It was comical to see him squished on a little princess bed. But the image also made my heart melt. He truly was the best dad. I lightly poked him until he woke up.

"Hmm?" he looked at me.

"Emily is here. She's here to pick up Hayden," I told him.

"I forgot," he closed his eyes again. He looked so tired.

"I'll get her ready," I told him. I picked her up and helped change her as she slowly woke up. "You ready to go to Emily's?" I asked her.

She nodded smiling at me.

"Ok," I kissed her forehead. "She's downstairs waiting for you."

"I love you mommy," she smiled.

"I love you more," I kissed her again.

She ran over to Toby who was still asleep in bed. "Love you daddy." She kissed his shoulder.

"Love you baby," he mumbled.

She ran downstairs giggling. I could hear her yell Emily's name, and then I heard the door close.

I sat downstairs waiting for him to get out of bed. I was stuck here considering my car was getting fixed today.

"Hey," he rubbed his eyes, passing me on his way to the kitchen.

"So... Have you heard anything about my car?" I yelled to him.

"He said it will be fixed around three. He will drive it over when it's done," he said making a bowl of cereal.

"How much do I owe him?" I asked walking into the kitchen so I didn't have to yell anymore.

"Nothing," he shook his head.

"What do you mean nothing?" I raised my eyebrows.

"I took care of it," he shoved a spoonful in his mouth.

"Toby-"

"It's really nothing Spencer," he argued. "Want some?" He passed the cereal box to me.

I sighed sitting down and making a bowl for myself.

I should tell him. Tell him what I've known for weeks now.

"Toby, I" I didn't know how to begin. "We should talk about last night."

He shrugged, "I'm fine."

"We have a lot of problems that we need to discuss," I crossed my legs.

"I thought it was pretty clear. We have our arrangement with Hayden figured out, what else is there?"

You have no idea. "I don't want to be mad at each other," I sighed.

"I'm not mad," he shrugged.

"You're hurting," I looked at him. "And that hurts me to see you that way."

"I'll be fine Spencer," he waved it off.

"Stop pretending like you're ok," I argued. "Can you just... I don't know! Look at me! Or Smile! Something!" My voice got higher and higher.

He looked at me surprised by my outburst. "I want you back Spencer. What else do you want me to do?"

I looked down at my hands and then back at him. Just say it.

"What?" He asked, knowing something was on my mind.

"I..." I wanted to say it. "I just want my car back." But I couldn't.

"I told you it would be done soon," he took another bite.

"Yeah," I nodded slowly. I stood up and went back up to the guest room. I was exhausted. Even though I got some sleep last night, it felt like I got none. I closed my eyes, and before I knew it the fog took over and I was out.

"Spencer," I heard a voice. After several seconds I figured out it wasn't in my dream it was real life. It was Toby.

"Hmm?" I opened my eyes reluctantly.

"Your car is back," he said from the door way. He had just gotten out of the shower. His hair was wet and he had on fresh clothes. I bet he smelt amazing.

"Give me ten minutes," I mumbled into my pillow, closing my eyes again.

He chuckled softly. "No rush," he said before closing the door.

I opened my eyes unwillingly, still feeling exhausted. I brushed through my hair with my fingers, searching for my clothes from yesterday when I heard a knock on my door.

"Come in," I stood up.

"Hey," he tried smiling. "Here, I thought you might want these." He handed me some clothes.

"These aren't mine," I said grabbing them hesitantly.

"Actually they are," he corrected me. "From when we were married."

"We still are married," I corrected him.

"You know what I mean," he rolled his eyes playfully.

"Thanks," I smiled.

"Sure," he smiled back. "Well- um- I'll let you change."

He closed the door behind him. The clothes looked neatly folded and they smelt clean. They smelt like the detergent he uses. It was sad to think of all the things he still held onto when he thought that I was dead.