𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙱𝚘𝚢 𝚆𝚑𝚘 𝙻𝚎𝚏𝚝 | ✔️

THE Reason

"I had cancer Kian." That's phrase just replays on a loop. Like some sick song that just won't go away.

"Key are you okay?" he went to touch me but I Had to move away.

"No, I'm not okay. I just found out that you had cancer. Or maybe you still have it I Dont know." I got up off the couch and started pacing and then looked at DeDe, she looked like a wreck. And then my mom who looked genuinely shocked staring at her friend. She didn't even know.

"You didn't know mom?" It took her a minute but she finally answered.

"No. DeDe let's go outside and talk." They left I guess needing to talk this out just like me and Ethan need to do.

I stared at them as they walked out of the back screen door and out on to the patio. But before I could speak he did.

"I don't have it at the moment. I'm in remission if you are wondering." Of course I'm wondering idiot. I thought but this is a nightmare. I've come to the conclusion that this is all fake. I didn't respond and he took that as his turn to talk.

"Remember that time you were all about doing good deeds and stuff so You decided to give blood and convinced me to do it with you?" I nodded that was a week before he left.

"Well they are required to run the blood through test and mine came back weird so they called us and did more test and it turned out I had Myeloma Cancer it basically just makes me more likely to get sick and die from normal things like I could die from a cold or a cold could get started from a germ that is okay to you but, harmful to me." He pauses letting it sink in, letting me process that my boyfriend had cancer. But I still had so many question.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" I asked but it was low. At first I almost though he didn't hear me.

"I'm sorry I never told but I couldn't bring myself to let my last days with you be about my cancer and have you worried about me. I didn't want you too see me in the hospital or puking because of chemo and being very sad because I was in pain everyday and I was locked in an air tight room not being able to leave. I already owed you my life Kian I didn't want you to waste yours." He was crying again and I could feel the tears coming down on me to.

"What do you mean?" He said he owes me his life but I didn't do anything.

"They caught it when it was just starting and said if I didn't have that blood work done that early that I would have an 75% chance of dying." I saved his life in a way but I guess that's also a catch twenty two in itself because he found out he had cancer.

"I still wish I could have done more, I would have been by your side everyday." I would have never been anger or mad or destructive if I had known. Maybe I would have never met Jax or Loral and Megan but I would have still gotten to see him.

"That would have been the problem. If you are not living your life and just worrying about me than what's the point. Look at you now you are everything that I hoped for you. If I would have told you I had cancer, two years of your life would've been gone." I looked at him sad eyed and just smiled. What he doesn't know is that I spent the two years making myself a different person all out of the spite that I felt for him. I became the opposite of him so I could forget him. Two years of my life is gone anyways.

"When I asked what would you do if I disappeared. I was asking because there was a chance that I would die and-"

"If you would have died wouldn't you have regretted never telling me?" I cut him off. I was getting mad now. I know I have no right because of all he went through but I'm just now thinking that If he would have died how would all of this had played out. Would his mom just had came to my door one day and said 'hey your ex-boyfriend that you love so much is dead.' Or would I have just wonder what happened to him.

"In a way yes but also no. I'd rather have you hate me than miss me so much you die. I knew if I just left you'd hate me. And I would have sacrifice everything just so you could be happy."

"I would have been happy seeing you in the hospital eating shitty hospital food and watching the Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy as long as we were together." He let out a laugh which made me laugh but all in all I was still a crying mess.

"You say that but I just can't believe it." I shake my head. Being with him was all I ever wanted. We spent every moment together and wether it was sunshine and rainbows or A hurricane I was always going to be there for him. It saddens me that he didn't know that or he knew and ignored it.

"I will always be there for you. Remember that. I don't care if it hurts me. I would have been there for you. I would have." I whispered the last part mostly a reminder for myself.

"I know but I wasn't there for you when you loss our baby and I'm sorry." I shook my head. And scooted closed to him letting him hug me.

"You were on the verge of death no need to apologize." I said half heartily still thinking how our baby would be one and an half by now. But I can't hold that against him. Even if I wanted to I could never because he had the best reason for leaving.

"I do because I slept with you without being carful not caring if I got you pregnant I just wanted to show my love for you. I wanted to do that before I left. I was being selfish because I didn't want to die a virgin. I didn't want to die without having been close to you." I nodded and even though this was serious he still made a joke. I laughed and understood why he was apologizing now but it takes two to tango and he wasn't all at fault.

"We are both kinda a mess." I said still crying but he managed to laugh.

"Yeah i guess we are but let's just start over." Starting over sounds great. I wish I could start over with everything.

"Okay but before we start over I'm sorry for being mad at you for a stupid reason." He kissed me on the forehead and I leaned into it.

"None of that matter now we have a fresh start."