𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙱𝚘𝚢 𝚆𝚑𝚘 𝙻𝚎𝚏𝚝 | ✔️

THE Love

I know it's dangerous to drive while being an emotional wreck but sadly nothing sounded more thrilling at the moment than getting into a car accident and dying.

I tried to wipe my eyes while I drove trying to keep my mind on anything but Ethan. I pulled into his driveway but almost ran over his mail box. That was to close too the actual driveway in my opinion.

I got out and knocked on his door. Nothing. He's always home. I knocked again but there was no answer.

I sat down on his steps, where in the hell could he possibly be. I called him hoping he would answer. Nothing. I called him again and I prayed that he picked up this time.

"Hey Kian." Instead of the deep voice that I liked so much it was Megan's annoying one.

"Hey Megan." What I said was drawn out like a question even though I didn't intend it to be, but I'm so fucking confused and annoyed right now I couldn't dare formulate a sentence.

"Jax and I are just hanging out and he went to the bathroom but I can take a message." She said it in the nicest way possible like a fucking receptionist but I know what she really meant. 'He's with me and not you.'

"No need Megan." Before she could respond I hung up and began to cry.

Fuck him. Fuck Megan. Fuck Ethan. Fuck everyone that has ever made me feel like shit, fuck it all. I went back into my car pondering on everything that was just fucked up in my life and did what any average person would do, scream. I screamed out all the emotions that I had bottled up for two years. Two years of heartache and damage not ever being fully repaired.

I went back to my house, hoping Ethan wasn't there and thankfully when I pulled in he wasn't.

I immediately got out of my clothes and just laid in my bed crying and hoping I would go to sleep soon. Nothing can hurt me in my sleep. In my sleep there is only darkness but none of my monsters and demons live there, they love to walk around in the sunlight with a smile on their faces knowing that I can't truly ever escape them. Soon I stop crying and let the darkness take over. This is where I belong, in the dark.

I wake up to the feeling of being hot and maybe in a hug. I open my eyes and at first I'm confused about where I am, but then I see my dresser.

Once I have figured out I'm in my room, I still feel hot, and not like your average hot more so of an annoying hot that makes you sweat. Then I feel it, the weight of an arm around my waist. I don't panic like a normal person would because I hear the snoring that I'm used to by now.

Jax.

I turn over slightly careful not to wake him up and also so I can see my clock.

9:23pm It showed. I somehow manage to fully turn over to face Jax which was an almost impossible task considering his arm was all muscle.

I look up at him while he sleeps. I never get to do this because he somehow always goes to sleep after me and wakes up before me. but on the rare occasion I wake up to go to the bathroom I get to hear him snore, like he was doing now.

It wasn't a loud snore or a snore at all more like a heavy breath. He looked peacful-ish, his eyes were closed but I imagine the green hazel color underneath. His eyes always seem to fascinate me. He also had a slight look of concern on his face and eyebrows were furrowed causing creases.

I don't know what came over me but I found myself trying to smooth them out like an iron for clothes. It took him a minute after I stopped to wake up. His green hazel eyes flashed at me. Man I adore those things because they truly were beautiful.

"Hey." He said lamely. Which made me smile surprisingly.

"Why are you not on your date?" most dates he went on ended way later than this. I didn't like that he dropped everything for me but at the same time it felt good to know he was always there. Selfish, I know but I'm a walking contradiction so what else can I do.

"I wasn't on a date and besides you never call me, even when you need something and today you did, so it must have been important and when I got here your eyelashes were still stuck together from crying, your face was red and that hair of yours was out of place." He always noticed the little things making him quick to tell me about myself.

"Thank you for coming but I don't want you to feel obligated to take care of me."

"I want to take care of you when you need me. I want to be there and I wasn't there today Kian, I'm so sorry."

"You are here now, you are always here." He looked at me like he was seeing me in a new light and I felt like I was seeing him in a new way to. A way that I couldn't yet explain to myself. I noticed how close we were to each other so close I could smell that mint gum he loved.

I leaned in to kiss him but stopped as soon as I felt just the slightest graze of our lips. The look on his faced told me 'it's all on you'. He wanted me to kiss him and I wanted to kiss him too but something was stopping me.

"Will this change things?" In that moment I realized how much I valued what we have and losing him would just really hit me hard. I would hate to just have the relationship we built be destroyed all because I couldn't control myself. I don't want to kiss him just because I'm upset. Maybe I'm confusing whatever I feel for Jax in this moment with lust out of anger and wanting to feel something other than sadness.

"I made a promise when we first met Kian and I don't intend on breaking it." He whispered to me and for a split second I went back to the day we met. The day I was so ready to just stop existing. The memory almost brought a tear to my eye.

His words rendered deep within me and maybe just maybe I've felt this way all along and just didn't want to face it until now. I leaned up and kissed him and it felt like everything you'd expect to feel when you kiss the guy you have fallen for. This kiss made me forget everything that happened it made me feel like I was floating on clouds and of course the the explosion of fireworks, but this didn't make me feel happy like it would for anyone else because in this moment I couldn't fake it anymore. I couldn't be in denial about the love I felt for Jax. There was no doubting the simple fact now that I am in love with him.

When we pull away I turn back over and pretend to fall asleep as he rubs my hair but instead of being on cloud 9 I'm sadly on earth with a reality check that came with the kiss Jax and I shared. I find myself crying again only because I regret ever making that dumb decision. Everyone that I've ever loved I've either hurt them or they leave. Sooner or later Jax is going to leave me just like the rest of them.

Sometimes promises are just broken.