The past three weeks have been toucher. Ever since I knew I'd be seeing my mother I've been catching anxiety attacks like a bitch. I caught 4 in one day. Everytime I think of facing my mother and the anticipation of wating for Rih to speak to me again has been getting to me. Rih's been ignoring the shit out of me. She hasn't talked to me, touched me, she's need dodging my kisses, and she can't even look at me.
I cry almost every time I see her knowing that she's that mad at me when I'm doing the exactly same thing, although hers is on a deeper level. I'm trying to be rational and wait for her to figure things out, but I haven't been the same since she stopped being involved with me.
The only thing she hasn't stopped doing is sleeping in the same bed as me. Honestly I'm starting to get pissed at her for kinda being a hypocrite. I got ready with a frown on my face as it has been for a few weeks now. She drove to Solanges house and she greeted us with open arms.
Shockingly she spoke to Solange and I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. Solange showed us to the dining room and showed us our seats. Solange was so nice I feared for what she was gonna think of us when shit hits the fan. I pushed that thought to the back of me head as the doorbell rang.
Solange went to get it and we flowed away to the living room. She came back with a man who seemed to be in his mid thirties. He smiled at me as tears filled his eyes. I stood up and approached him slowly.
"You are so beautiful just like your mother." He placed his hands on me cheeks and I pressed my lips together.
"Thank you." We had a side hug moment and sat down on the sofa.
He asked about the usual, how was living with my mom, did I have a lot of friends, what was I involved in as a kid, who Rihanna was, and how we met. I was kinda said talking about all these happy things, but knowing we werent on good terms made my stomach churn. The door bell finally rang again and I ran off to the bathroom.
I looked in the mirror and sighed. I reached into my bra and pulled put a Xanax knowing was gonna need one I could feel my hands shaking already. I took some sink water in my hands and swallowed some. I wiped the water off my face and fluffed up my hair, before stepping out of the bathroom going to the dining room.
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(Instead of three chairs in the middle it was two on either side.)
"There she is." Solange said cheerfully and I sat down in my seat next to Rihanna.
My Father and my Mother were at the heads of the table I was next to my fathers side and Solange was in front of me so Rih's mother was infront of her. I smiled at my mother and she smiled back although she was twiddling her thumbs on the table I could tell she was also anxious. Everyone started to eat the amazing food that Solange cooked.
After about 10 minuets of this my mother started to speak first.
"Beyonce I have some news to share with you. I apologize for the way I treated you. I shouldn't habe reacted that way I overreacted. Even though I don't agree with the say you amd Rihanna go about your relationship. I can't force you to do anything anymore your grown and you can make your own decisions. I just hope that you too continue to make each other happy. Clearly she has something that's worth your time and effort. I hope it stays that way and wasn't or should I say isn't a waste of time and energy." I made a face and she smiled at me.
"Thank you?" I said more like a question and Rihanna nodded taking a sip of her lemonade.
"Tina I have something to say to you." Matthew says and all eyes shot over at him.
"What is it Matthew?" Her mood did a whole 360 when she looked at him.
Damn I thought and looked at Solange and she made the same face.
"I want to apologize for what happened between you and I. I messed up suck a good thing because I wasn't ready for a child at the time. I was too immature to realize at the time, but I apologize from the bottom of my heart. I missed you so much and I hate myself soo much for that, because I didn't get to see what we could've been if we didnt stay togethet and raise our children together, but I guess well never know." He said and wiped a few tears away from his face.
"How exactly did you guys end?" I asked taking a sip of my lemonade.
"Your father and I were 14 and 15 when we got together. We were 17 and 18 when I got pregnant with Solange. Your father flipped out like the little bitch he is and told me to get an abortion. I slapped him in the face and he hasent seen me since then. When you were born I left you on his mothers doorstep with a note saying 'This was a mistake that you created noe you live with it.' A part of me wished to keep you but at 18 I just wanted to prove a point." My mother explained as Solange nodded looking down at her plate.
"Although I realized I was wrong, but I'm greatefull you seem like a truly beautiful young women. I don't know much about you, yet but in proud to see such a unique and free spirit that you are." She said and smiled as she took Solange hand.
I was a cute moment, but might I add shes never said that to me, like ever even before things with Rih happened. I honestly felt some type of way. I crossed my arms and a smile danced on my face as Whitney opened her mouth.
"Rihanna I know everything that I did to you is so fucked up. But I want to apologize I don't know what was so wrong with me to make me do those things to you. I know I could probably never EVER make it up to you, but I want you to know that I apologize from the bottom of my heart." Tears streamed down her face and Rihanna stood up and slammed her hands down on the table.
"Bullshit!" She yelled her accent ringing throughout the room. "You knew what you were doing you just wanted to run my life how you wanted it to be. Not every time you beat me you were drunk and not every time you sent your boyfriend on me you were high on something. You did that shit consciously so suck it the fuck up and apologize for just being a fucked up individual and you Tina."
She paused and my mothers eyes went wide.
"How the hell could you say that shit at the end of your apology? You know what I should do?" She asks and she walked up behind me wrapping her arms around my neck.
"I should sit Beys pretty little ass on this table and fuck her just for the hell of it. Cause I'm not a waste of time and I never fucking will be. So don't get it twisted." She said and I darted up and pulled her away slowly and Solange laughed.
Matthews mouth was hanging open, Whitney was crying her heart out, and my mother looked like her blood was boiling. One word.
Terrified is how I felt.
"Rihanna what the hell was that? Your mother didn't have to siber up for you if you were just gonna pull that shit. What she did to you was fucked completely up, but if she wants to try and help you out the rest of your life you should at least hear her out." I said rambling as we reached the car.
Something in her eyes flashed and she slapped the shit out of me. I tell to the ground on my knees clutching my face. Tears filled met eyes as I looked up at her. I stood up slowly and she grabbed me around my neck. Squeezing it tightly.
"Don't ever tell me what I should do about my mother. She didn't do shit to you, so you don't understand what the fuck I went through as a kid. Don't fucking even Beyonce. Sometimes apologies don't fucking fix everything." I started scratching her hands and kicking my legs for her to let me go.
I started to roll me eyes and she let me go. I fell on my knees and I started caughing and gasping for air as I clutched my chest. She grabbed the keys from off the ground and sped off in her car.
Rihanna p.o.v
Beyonce had me too fucking livid at her. What the fuck is wrong with her trying to tell me what to do? Not now, not ever.
I spead to the one person who I knew wouldn't judge me. When he opened the door and smirked at me.
"I knew you'd be back babe." He let me in and I kicked off my shoe.
"Don't speak." I glared at him and pulled him to me by the collar of his shirt.
