The things we do for love (Twice FF| Completed|Book 1)

26. Regrets

Chaeyoung came back to his hometown along with Jeongyeon and Momo to attend his mother's funeral.

He nervously stood at the threshold of the room his mother was kept in. He dreadfully glanced at the casket. His aunt saw him and she nudged her husband who was sitting in a daze.

'Chaeyoung-ah, you're here,' his uncle stood up and emotionally hugged him.

'How did this happen?' Chaeyoung said.

'Pancreatic cancer.'

'If she was sick, why did she hide it from me!?'

'She didn't want you to worry, my boy. She knew she was dying. She just wanted to see you in her last hours and called you. She still didn't want to tell you about her condition until you were in front of her. Were you that busy, huh?'

Chaeyoung closed his eyes accepting the reality as he felt a pang of conscience, as if a thousand arrows of regrets had pierced his soul.

'Will you give me a minute with mom?' Chaeyoung said. His uncle nodded and left him. His aunt followed him. Jeongyeon and Momo stood by the door. The latter started weeping silently. Jeongyeon hugged her close. He knew that she was putting herself in Chaeyoung's shoes since she didn't know whether her mother was dead or alive. She was imagining the worse scenario.

Chaeyoung plodded up with a heavy heart to the casket his mother was laid in. He couldn't stop his tears when he saw her lifeless body. He took her cold hand in his shaky hands.

'Hey mom, I'm back,' he said. 'I have come to see you.' He paused, as if waiting for a response from her. 'You are still as beautiful as the day I saw you last...... But you are thinner.... And you have more wrinkles.... And your hand doesn't have that warmth I know,' his voice softened and cracked as he uttered the last line.

Then he completely broke down, 'I'm sorry mom. I didn't come home when you wanted me. I couldn't be a better son. I'm so sorry mom,' he wailed his heart out in despair. He plopped down on the floor and cried pulling his hair. Momo dashed to him. She kneeled beside him and pulled him into a hug and cried with him. He held onto her and wept. That was just what he needed, a shoulder to cry on, a hug of comfort.

Jeongyeon squeezed his eyes as tears welled up his eyes. It was heartbreaking enough to watch the carefree Chaeyoung crying like a baby. He went ahead to pat Chaeyoung's back and said, 'She is no longer in pain, Chaeyoung-ah.'

Friends, relatives and acquaintances came to pay their final respect. After the service, Chaeyoung's uncle handed him a folded sheet of paper.

'She left this for you,' he said.

Chaeyoung opened it and was overwhelmed to see his mother's writing on it.

My beloved son,
I'm sorry that I couldn't be a good mother for I couldn't give you enough time to care for you as you grew up. Being a single mother was not easy. I had to earn a living for us. Trust me when I say I would have spent everyday all day with you if I could. Because I was busy, my little son suffered a lot. I have so many regrets. But I'm thankful to you because you knew what I was going through. You were so understanding and considerate. You never told me the things you wanted to eat or the toys you wanted to play with. You never asked for new clothes or shoes. Because you knew we barely had money for the basic needs. You never told me when you were sad, because you knew I would be tired from work... You bottled up everything. You still do.
I want you to live happily, my son. My dream is to see you grow into a responsible man and have a wife and children. I pray for you to meet a woman who could make your life complete and fulfil all the things I left undone for you, that is, to give you love, care and happiness as much as you deserve, and I know you deserve so much more than I could give. I will be the happiest mom when you meet such a woman and I will be the proudest mom when you responsibly return the same love and care to her.
But I won't be on this earth to see such a day.
Our family was incomplete, but in all these years I realised that our family is our greatest wealth. You are my greatest wealth. But I couldn't do enough for you. I'm sorry for that. So when you have a family, treasure them.
Take care of yourself. I wish you all the happiness of the world. I love you, son.
-Your mom.

Chaeyoung pressed the paper to his chest and cried. A memory from the past reminisced as he looked at a framed photo of him and his mother from his childhood on his mother's bedside table.

Chaeyoung had two older cousin brothers and one younger cousin sister from his uncle. The older cousins often bullied him. He got along pretty well with his cousin sister though.

He was about 13 years old when this incident happened. He was playing with Minji, his cousin sister. They were eating roasted yam and Minji was swinging on the swing Chaeyoung made with an old tyre hung on a tree that grew in their backyard. Minji's half eaten yam fell on the ground and she tried to pick it up.

'No, no. That has dirt on it. Throw it away,' Chaeyoung picked up the dirty yam and flung it away. 'Have this instead,' he offered his yam to Minji.

'But that is yours,' Minji said.

'It's okay. You can have it.'

Minji happily accepted Chaeyoung's yam. 'Take a bite,' she said, pointing the yam up at Chaeyoung's face. He smiled at his cute little cousin and took a bite. That was the very moment Minji's mother appeared to call her for a bath, and she saw it.

Later Chaeyoung heard his aunt nag his uncle. 'I clearly saw with my eyes. He forcefully ate Minji's yam. What if he keeps taking our children's share? Don't you even think of our children's future?'

Chaeyoung ran out to the street before he could hear something more hurtful and wandered about the neighborhood trying to forget what he heard.

That night Chaeyoung's mother came home from work earlier than usual. Chaeyoung knew his mother would like to talk to him about his day. He had a bad day. She would ask him how his day was, and he wouldn't be able to tell her either the truth or lie about it. So he faked to be asleep. She kept standing on the doorway and watched her son sleep. She entered the bedroom and sat on the bed beside Chaeyoung who was pretending to be sound asleep. She had come in after hearing her sister-in-law complain about Chaeyoung.

'You must be tired,' she said in a whisper. Chaeyoung could hear her. 'I know you had a long day. I can't wait for you to grow up. Grow up strong, so that you can stand up for yourself. People can tell me whatever about you, I will still believe in you. You're a good boy, Son Chaeyoung.'

Chaeyoung had silently cried that night.

'She always believed in me,' Chaeyoung thought.

'Chaeyoung-ah,' Jeongyeon shook him by his shoulder.

'Huh?'

'I have been calling your name. The funeral director is about to leave. You should see him out,' Jeongyeon said.

'Yeah yeah,' Chaeyoung wiped his face with his palm and stood up. He carefully folded his mother's letter and put it in his pocket. He had only taken a couple of steps when he turned back and faced Jeongyeon. The latter gave him a questioning look.

'It's about time you should talk to her,' Chaeyoung said. Jeongyeon looked at him confused. The eyes that peered back into his were full of hurt and resentment.

'I am sure she misses you. I would not want even my enemy to feel the regretful pain I feel right now. Don't become what I have become,' Chaeyoung said. Jeongyeon couldn't reply anything but he understood that Chaeyoung was talking about his mother. He was telling him to talk to his mother. After saying that, he went outside leaving Jeongyeon alone.

Jeongyeon grabbed the back of his neck and turned his head sideways, uncomfortable at the thought of what Chaeyoung just told him. His eyes fell on the photo of Chaeyoung and his mother on the table. He picked it up and took a closer look at it. Chaeyoung in that photo looked so happy, very contradicting to the Chaeyoung that just looked into his eyes a moment ago.

'Is all my contempt for my mother worth it?' he sighed, contemplating.

To be continued...