SUPERSTES// Maze Runner Newt fanfiction (page 250 sequel)

36

I leave the building and go home. I try to take out my book to study, but Julie's words blare in my head again and again. I try to turn on my music loud so I won't hear them, but her voice comes out screaming louder in my head. There's no escape from it.

I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you.

I look in the fridge for something that might make me feel better, but my appetite isn't up for anything. My stomach has been squeezing since morning, and a feeling of nausea hasn't left me since. It isn't fair. It isn't fair. What if I've just killed her?

Finally, I go up to the roof. The wind is still, or maybe it's because I'm under the force field's doom. I watch the snow as it falls and deflects across it like magic. I sit on the edge of the wall of a little house on the roof and dangle my legs. Unfortunately, the doom doesn't shield from cold, and even my sweater barely does anything, or maybe it isn't the wind that's making my fingers cold. I hear few children's laughter down, and I see it's our neighbors playing in their yard. The brother and his sister are playing in the snow. I watch them building a snow man, placing a huge carrot for its nose and two stones for his eyes. "What should we name him?" the girl asks her brother.

"Let's name him Jack! Like Jack Frost!"

"No, Olaf!"

"Jack Frost!"

"Olaf!"

I laugh as I watch them fight. For a moment, I don't bother caring whether they're immune or not to play in the open air. I, Lezzie, and Lennie should've been like them; however, bloody WICKED. I imagine the three of us playing in the puddle of snow. Just children like the ones down. Maybe Lennie as a toddler too and just enjoying some normal siblings.

What did I ever do to not deserve a childhood like this? What did we, all of us, ever do? Whether it's me, Lezzie, Julie, Tommy, Teresa, Minho, Chuck, Ben, Alby, or even Galley. What did we all do to spend our innocence with test tubes and surgeries? Yes... we were orphans and saving the world from the Flare.

I still feel this queer sense of shiver for snow, as if behind its innocent, white fluff is something dark that sends terror through my brain.

"Hey. What are you doing up here, lad?" I suddenly hear Neal behind me. He then sits next to me.

"How is she?" I ask him without turning.

"Just been there. She's under the coma now. Her state is still constant."

"Have I just killed her, Neal?"

He sighs. "You'll be laughing over this question when she'll wake up."

"If she wakes up," I mumble under my breath. I stay quiet for a while and ask him, "Have you ever done something terrible for a good reason?"

He sneers. "Will you kill me if I told you that I helped in engineering Grievers?"

"You mean the lovely pet Grievers with harmless stings that used to hum lullabies for us at night in the Glade?"

"Precisely," he laughs. He stays quiet for a while and then tells me, "You know, all of us here have done some terrible stuff in the name of saving the world. Even your friends Thomas, Teresa, Aris, and Rachel were trying to help when they worked on the Mazes. You gave Julie that shot because you want to save her, to cure her Flare, make her life better."

"And so was Ava Page, and so was Janson, and so were all the doctors in WICKED. They all were trying to find a bloody cure for the Flare and make better lives for all of us, but, Ops! I've lost count how many people have died. My friends are all gone, we don't know anything about my sister, and I might've just killed an innocent girl who I've promised I would help. All of this while finding a cure for the Flare!"

Neal drapes his arm around my shoulder and pulls me to him. He stays quiet for a while then tells me, "Have I told you about my daughter, Newt?"

I turn to him.

He smiles. "I had a daughter once, Newt. Her name was Mila. If alive, she'd almost be your age. Fifteen years ago, I had to be parted from her to join WICKED. She was just two then. I had left a beautiful house, a beautiful wife, and a beautiful daughter for the name of my mission. When I left to WICKED, I thought it'd only be few years and I'd return as a hero. I used to contact them whenever I could; however, one day four years later, I lost connection with them. I tried a lot, and I left no way, but I failed.

'After I broke up with Sorcha from WICKED, I asked for her permission to visit my home. She tried to advise me not to go, but I couldn't listen to her. When I reached home, all I found was an empty house hunted by ghosts. There was no one there. It was all still like time was frozen. All I have left of them now is a picture for the three of us in a broken frame."

I stay quiet.

"But, I still have hope I might find them one day. Lennie often reminds me with her a lot. The theme is that when you lose something, you'll always gain something too. You might've lost your friends, but you haven't lost Julie yet. Believe in her. I bet she'll be alright and you'll be laughing about this like it's never happened. Now, come. I was supposed to be calling you for dinner."

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GM.