Ask Me ..... How i know there's a God up in the heavens!

Chapter 14 - Soldier's Saloon

My mind was still stuffed full of theological ramblings, when I realized we'd come to some sort of inn / tavern. A man met us at the door; took one good look at Jesus, before he led us to the back of the building. He reached in a window, soon producing a wooden basin, which he handed to me and I kind of chuckled: Giant salad bowl was the only thing that came to mind. Next the innkeeper pulled out a large clay jar. He gave that to Jesus, who poured some water into the basin and proceeded to wash His hands. Not a bad idea; since You just went potty. I couldn't help but think.

We traded places while the man returned his clay jar to its place of residence and headed for the front of the building. Once I was done, Jesus tossed the water onto the ground and set the basin on the window ledge. Sparkling clean anti-bacterial soap or not; either way, we were ready to eat! I smiled happily as I imagined telling the innkeeper that I wanted an everything omelette with pancakes and a cup of coffee - leaded please.

This 'inn' consisted of one small room with a few tables; complete with several soldiers slugging back cups of wine and acting rather stupid. Fortunately, they appeared to me to be too drunk to notice us; as a few were involved in a wrestling match on the floor behind where they were sitting. They sang and cheered, thumped their table and stomped their feet, while a man who seemed to be the equivalent of a bartender brought us a small picture of wine, two wooden cups and a plate of some sort of jerky. Jesus handed him some coins, which he discreetly tucked into his change purse and returned to the bar; at the beckon of one of the soldiers, who was only marginally interested in another round of drinks. He was too busy cheering the buddy that was kicking the other guy's butt.

A few minutes later, our server returned with two small wooden bowls of vegetable soup. With a cup in His hand "Yaw-daw." Jesus smiled with a gesture to heaven. "Yeah!" I agreed as I raised my cup too. "No better one to toast to than - Abba Father." I paused a minute. "Thank you." I said as we both let out a sigh and took a swig.

Several other patrons entered as we sat and ate, all to eager to challenge one of the soldiers to another match. They laughed and joked and even sang and danced; while I watched with veiled amusement. Roman soldiers that could do the electric slide. I put my head on the table and quietly chuckled.

Another wrestling match was under way, when we finished eating and our server brought a few other items over. There were two bowls and a cup filled with something that looked like olive oil. One of the bowls had leaves in it and the other seeds. I had no idea what they were; but Jesus seemed heartily encouraging me to eat them. While we were both busy snacking; Jesus had snagged some board game from another table. It looked like checkers and He'd giggle at me when ever I'd try to jump His checker. I'd figured out pretty quickly that we were playing two different games; neither of which I was sure we weren't making up our own rules.

About a half hour or so had passed of my munching on these seeds, leaves and drinking this oil when I realized what Jesus's hearty intent was all about; For suddenly, I had to... go. I peered suspiciously at Jesus, who just innocently shrugged; when I realized He'd been feeding me laxatives. Jesus got up from the table, got something else from the proprietor and headed out a side door, motioning for me to follow. Oh no... this wave of dread assailed me. Sure enough, my suspicions were confirmed; through this door was the... rest room.

There were already three soldiers in there; conversing over... what ever Roman soldiers talk about in the bathroom? I stood on the other side of the wall for a moment trying to convince myself that I could do this, but it wasn't working very well. Not that I had much of a choice; I was hesitantly realizing, for it was either this rest room or a far more embarrassing accident. Jesus took my arm and escorted me to the far end of the room, where He just pulled His tunic out of the way and sat down; (like there was absolutely nothing abnormal about this arrangement). Meanwhile I was trying not to have a panic attack!

So that's why these garments have such rather wide bottom openings. It suddenly dawned on me while I sucked in a breath and held it. (And yet another revelation hit me); it actually didn't stink in here. OK, I finally decided I was just not going to think too hard about this, fluffed my tunic out of the way and gingerly sat down. Jesus set a board over the hole between us and dumped something that looked like dominos out of a small bag onto the board. Complete with 'john toys'; how quaint. I thought to myself; trying not to process the fact that I was sitting next to eternal God in a very public... rest room. The soldiers across from us were now playing cards when a 6 year old girl came in and sat about 3 holes down from Jesus. She peed pretty quickly and left. I sat for probably another half hour while Jesus kept distracting me with dominos until I was finally... finished.

Two of the soldiers across the way had been replaced by a third who was now playing some sort of version of jacks with the soldier who'd been left behind. (No pun intended.) I recognized it because we'd just been playing the same game. How odd this was: almost as much of a social gathering as ... eating. In one end and out the other. I squirmed a bit as Jesus handed me a clean sponge. Hihhh? I glanced hesitantly at Him when He pulled a wooden spiked stick out of a bucket of sand, stabbed the sponge, stuck it in another bucket of water and handed it back to me. Yeah... thanks... I tried not to be to obvious of my mental pondering of how to actually use this thing. Jesus had finished and was knocking the sponge off the stick into the sewer below us; before He stabbed the stick back into the bucket of sand. OK, I sighed one last time as Jesus stood up. I hurried and finished before scurrying out the door after Him.

OK, that was profoundly unnerving, but I do feel pounds lighter.

We reemerged back into the dining area as Jesus thanked the proprietor with another coin, which I was assuming was a tip of some kind. We were headed out the door when someone yelled and I nearly jumped out of my skin. They began to laugh as I cautiously turned around and saw them all sitting there waving; the same four soldiers we'd been in the toilet house with. Well, okay. I guess the joke's on me? I let out a nervous chuckle as I peered over at Jesus. He smiled as He waved back at them and with a simple gesture, escorted me out the doorway.

I looked over my shoulder a few times as we walked away, wondering if anyone would follow us; but nobody did. I finally breathed a sigh of relief when we were out of eyesight and ear shot of the tavern. I guess it really wasn't that bad? After all, I did survive the restroom and though I hated to admit it; I felt better. Tis necessary to be sure you don't 'get plugged' in this climate; as I remembered some unpleasant days in medical after our entire squadron being interrogated on a daily basis by our unit commanders as to 'When was the last time you pooped?' If one confessed to not having gone in 3 days, they'd send us to medical to help us;...eh... with a bottle of saline.

So God, just like Uncle Sam cares about our bowels? I found ironically... comforting; maybe? I chuckled as I watched Jesus who appeared to again be counting streets looking for something. How... normalized, that is? I thought to myself as I wondered about the vast difference between their normal and my normal. Sharing something we assume to privacy, yet made so public was different alright; but I guess this place is... normal? I laughed to myself. All of what we are that I'd spent so much time being ashamed of was actually so ... normal?

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