I Like Me Better | to all the boys I've loved before

This Literally Couldn't get worse.

Peter Kavinsky. Two words that make my brain basically explode into a million pieces of confusion and chaos.

Gen. One word that makes me realize those two 'Peter Kavinsky' words can never really be mine.

Or can they?

Peter and I had been kind of dating since October. Well really, he was using me to get to Gen, and I guess I was using him so Josh didn't know I liked him. Or maybe to make Josh Jealous. Or maybe so my Sister, Margo, didn't think I was in love with her ex. To be 100% honest, I had no idea what I was in it for.

I mean, sure, I liked Peter, but he had kissed me in the seventh grade. That was practically ancient history, and I guess the letter wasn't technically relevant.

But If I'm completely telling the truth, I kind of liked when I kissed him. and the way he spun me around to look into my eyes, or how we exchanged movies and watched them together. Speaking of, tonight we were watching Clueless.
Peter had knocked on the door as I was in the middle of a shower, so I had come down in leggings and his lacrosse sweatshirt to my fake boyfriend sitting on my couch, talking to my father.

"Oh, hey, Covey," Peter smiled at me and I could almost feel my insides melting.

No, absolutely not, Lara Jean. It's not real, you cannot catch feelings.

My dad smirked a little at me and stood, saying loudly, "Well I've got a night shift. Peter, I want you out of here by 11, and Kitty's in charge," he ruffled my little sister's hair as she came and laid upside down in her usual spot on the couch.

"Yes, sir," Peter said, shaking his hand a little awkwardly.

He reached over and plopped down beside me on our messy couch, chucking a piece of popcorn back at my sister as she rolled her eyes and left the room, muttering something about homework and winking at me.

"Your sister's adorable," Peter said, laughing. He took a handful of popcorn and pointed to the screen. Cher was using a machine to match her outfits and he looked sideways at me.

"With the amount of time you take in the mornings, you could really use one of those things," He said, laughing at me playfully.

He had spent the night once, and every since then, he was teasing me on how long I took to get ready.

"Yeah, well," I said defensively, "I'm not as naturally good looking as you. I can't just roll out of bed and be ready! I take time!"

His mood shifted and his eyebrows raised slightly.

"Covey, I don't know what you're talking about. You're beautiful," He stated simply, kissing my cheek. I felt my cheeks getting red and I laughed nervously.

"There's no one around, you don't have to pretend to like me, ya know," I said, instantly regretting my words.

Peter clicked the movie to pause it as he adjusted himself so he was facing me, one leg tucked under him. I turned to look at him and admired his features. Sharp, handsome, a little stern, but with the cutest smile...

Stop doing that, he isn't really yours, I told myself. Last time I let myself fall in love, I was off writing letters and now I was here, pretending not to be in love with my fake boyfriend.

Margo knew, and she had warned me about Peter. 

"Boys are never straight forward. That's just how they are. You have to get them to be, and then they're honest. But trust me, Lara Jean, any boys who seems to always be honest isn't really who you think they are." Her voice came back to me. 

I snapped back to reality at Peter's voice.

"About that...I need to talk to you. Since there's no one around," He started, but got cut off by a little ding. His phone.

The screen on his phone lit up on the table in front of us, and I couldn't pretend not to see it. A text. From Gen. 6 words that broke my little heart and made my brain feel like it was on fire.

'Hey Peter, you coming back tonight?'

He knew I saw it, and I couldn't even bring myself to look at him. I couldn't let myself fall again. That was it, I was done. I couldn't believe I had let myself fall for him.

"Lara Jean, before you say anything, let me explain-" He started, putting his warm hand on my knee. One part of me wanted to let him leave it there and explain, and it would all be ok...but the better part of me told him to get up, and get out.

As he was leaving, he grabbed my hand and pulled me out with him. We were standing out in the middle of the street, with a drizzle of rain running down our faces.

"Peter, I thought you said you were done with her," I said, so quiet I wasn't quite sure if he heard me.

"Covey, please. You know I would never want to hurt you-"

"Do I, Peter?" I could feel my brokenness turning into rage at him. " Do I really know you, or is all of this just fake? For a minute I thought that maybe you liked me for real, but I guess I was wrong, and you should really, really, go, Peter." I stood there, feeling smaller than ever.

"Lara Jean, I need to tell you," Peter stepped closer to me, and I couldn't bring myself to back away. This literally couldn't get any worse. I knew he was going to say he loved me. I could seem it in his eyes, because I had the same look on.

"She told you to go, man." Another voice. I knew that voice, and now it literally did get worse. Peter and I were going to work this out, I just knew  it. But of course Josh shows up.

"Josh, please, don't." And now I found myself between two of the boys who I had accidentally written love letters to, and I didn't know how either of them felt about me. Not for sure.9

"Oh, you really want to stand up for her? How about when you were talking trash about Lara Jean with Gen when Margo broke your heart, and I stood up for Covey?" Peter said, and for the first time, I rounded on Josh.

"You what?" I asked. The hurt was all over his face, and I felt two hands wrap around my hips from behind, holding me safely as Josh tried to explain himself. Peter was holding me, my back pressed to his chest, and his hands on my waist. I was so mad at Josh that I didn't push Peter's hands away, but I was a little grateful for them.

"LJ, I was hurt, and you just reminded me of her, and I wasn't thinking, and..." Josh trailed off, hope etched on his face, glancing down at me.

"Look Josh, now you should go, man. Leave Lara Jean alone, okay?" I felt Peter's chest vibrate as he spoke powerfully to Josh, but I wasn't really in the moment. I could barely hear them talking, even though their voices were raised, and I wasn't sure who I was more mad at. I was mad at Peter, and wanted to talk to Josh about it, but I was hurt by Josh, and wanted Peter to make me feel better. But I shrunk down into peter's arms, feeling safer with him.

"Look, I'm gonna take you home, ok?" Peter spoke softly to me, spinning me around in his arms so I faced him. He handled me like a fragile baby bird as he started to lead me back to my front door.

"Wait, Peter, I really don't want to be here right now." I said, turning to him again. Concern was laced on his face as he sighed and said, "You can spend the night at my place, I guess." And for a moment, I forgot I was mad and hurt by him.

I hopped into the front seat of his car, and he started to drive off, as regret settled into my mind and the hurt came back into my heart as he tentatively reached over and laced his fingers through mine, kissing my hand, never taking his eyes off the road.

First Chapter!! I'll get to y'all on the update schedule tomorrow, But it'll be pretty often. I'm excited to see where this book goes! I've got big plans, but comment any ideas you have and I might include them. See you guys in the next one, mwah :)