I Like Me Better | to all the boys I've loved before

together again, Part 2

Buckle up buttercups, it's peter's POV.

Gen. It all started with Gen. She was there the night it happened with Lara Jean, and was so angry with Josh. She texted me to look out my window, and against every little voice in my head, I went to go see. 

Before I knew it, she and I were sitting on my porch steps, with tea, and I couldn't help but look at her in the 12:30 moonlight. 

Did I miss her?

Her gorgeous blond hair was messy and her mascara, always perfect, was smudged. The perfectly manicured nails on her hands were wrapped around a mug of hot tea, (So much tea to be spilled tbh) as she held onto it for dear life. We hadn't said much for a while, and I knew she knew I was staring at her.

Her eyes wandered the street in front of her, and she started to talk. 

"You know, I've always been jealous of her." She said, laughing a little and shaking her head. I turned my head to the side and couldn't help but wonder what she meant. 

"Lara Jean...she's just perfect. When we were friends, she had everything. A cool family, supportive sisters, and everyone just liked her. We all had our friend group-and everyone loved her, I was just like her plus one." She took a shakey sip from her mug, breathing out and watching the clouds of her breath billow out. 

"Gen..." I turned to face her. "Lara Jean is incredible, she really is, but you're so much more outgoing," I said, and I didn't think she understood what I meant. I shook my head and tried again.

"I just mean, you have some way with people. They just want to be around you, and want you to like them," I said, and she surprised me by taking my hand. 

"No, Peter, that isn't me. That's Lara Jean. I had to manipulate and force people to like me, and that's just how I got popular. But people always liked her better. Hell, my own cousin even liked her better. I guess you were just the final straw," She said, shrugging.

We sat silently for a while, and I thought about everything. I still hadn't talked to Josh, or Lara Jean, and I was so confused. On top of that, Gen wasn't being a bitch for once in her life, and I had half a mind to forgive her. But she wanted me to take her back, and even though my heart was broken, I just couldn't. I couldn't give up even the slightest bit of hope that Lara Jean and I were meant to be. All of a sudden, I found myself wishing that I had listened, back there in that rainy parking lot when Lara Jean ran after me and tried to tell me what was going on.

I heard Gen shift next to me and I looked over at her.

"I'm sorry," her voice was quiet and soft. She shuddered a bit in the cold, and as much as I felt bad for her, I just couldn't put my arm around her without thinking of Lara Jean. 

"Gen...you have nothing to be sorry for. Josh and Lara Jean kissed, we can't help that." I hated saying it, but it was true. I can't control her feelings.

She sighed and shifted so she was facing me more, leaning against the stair railing. "No, I do. I have so much to be sorry for, Peter, and I've been such a jerk. I've manipulated you, and Lara Jean, and everyone around me..." She took in a sharp breath of air and a saw tears flow out as she said in a voice almost silent,

 "I don't deserve anyone's love."

I let out a long breath, and thought about things. I thought back to middle school, and Freshman and Sophomore years. And the more I realized it, Everything led back to Gen. All the drama, all the fights, all the stress, it all came from Gen. And then she would make it all seem better but I realized it wasn't. She was guilty, and she knew it now too. And she didn't deserve my forgiveness. 

But I wasn't that kind of person, and of course I was going to forgive her. After all, It wasn't her fault my girlfriend had secretly been with her boyfriend.

So before I knew it, we had hung out all night, and I don't really remember much about it.

- back to the night of prom-

Lara Jean's POV

Peter finished with a sigh, and I leaned back against the pillows, stretching my legs out, and taking a sip of my latte. 

I ran my hands through my hair and looked over at the tired, broken, hurting boy in front of me. And I knew there was no doubt in my mind when I said, I love this Boy. But was there doubt in his when he said it? 

Everything seemed to scream to me that he did love me, but I just felt uncertain, for the first time in a long time. As if he could read my mind, he looked up at me through his eyelashes and we held eye contact for a minute before he said, 

"I don't deserve you, Lara Jean. I didn't even deserve for you to pretend to be my girlfriend, I didn't deserve you as my real girlfriend, and I sure as hell don't deserve your forgiveness right now. You're different, Lara Jean, from anyone I've ever met. You're pure and beautiful, there isn't a bad bone in your body. Your mind is like a summer storm, complex and intense and beautiful. You don't know how many times I think about you, and want to take a picture of you, in the best moments. In the moments where she sun casts a gentle shadow across your face, and your smile lights up the rest of it. When you're sitting across from me on a rainy day, and you're in a sweater and holding a hot drink that warms you all up, and your eyes crinkle in a smile even though your lips don't...You're perfect, Covey, Simply perfect." 

He took my hand gently, and before I could stop him, he leaned into my lips, and as soon as I felt his lips on mine, familiar and soft, I knew I was his. And I knew, and he pulled away from me and laid his head in my lap, looking up into my eyes, and I looked back into his. 

-

I woke up in the dark, and looked beside me. There was Peter, curled up around me, holding me as his from the rest of the world. And all of a sudden, I couldn't help but laugh. We were in high school. Seniors. How could I know if we were in love, when we still had to ask to go to the bathroom in class? How are we supposed to decide where we want to go to college and how we want to spend the rest of our lives, when I can't decide if I should do my essay or math packet first?

And then, as I watched him, I realized it didn't matter. None of it matters, because all I knew in that moment was that I couldn't even look at that boy without him stealing my heart. Every laugh, every smile, I love the hell out of that boy, and I knew, in a lover's assurance, that he felt the same way. And I saw a future with him. I saw him kissing me on the cheek as I took our kids to school in our thirties. I saw him wiping my tears gently as we sent our daughter off to college in our fifties. I saw us sitting on a porch together, laughing at high school memories, and playing with our grandkids in our seventies. I realized, then, that I couldn't think about my future without Peter. And then, I realized, I didn't want to.

I'm so sorry this took so long!! Honestly, on top of all the stuff going on, I've got a bit of writer's block, and I don't really know how to continue this story, so If you've got any thoughts, please comment them. I love you all, thank you all so freaking much for all the love and support, I couldn't do this without yall.

xoxo,

Graygray