I Like Me Better | to all the boys I've loved before

Dress to impress!

The next day was a bit of a whirlwind. The girls were all going crazy, and shrieking over how cute Peter was. I had to agree.

Their next move, though, was to inform me that they had been waiting for me to get asked so all of us could go dress shopping together, which I was extremely excited about. In every teenage rom-com I had seen, the main character went shopping with all her girlfriends, and there was always a fun musical montage. I had always wanted my own fun musical montage, but considering I had been living the past 5 years with Chris, who was half my friend and half not my friend, There weren't exactly many opportunities for this.

I had once made the mistake of going shopping with Margo and Kitty for the freshman hoco dance, and it was absolutely horrific. Kitty was picking up some, ahem, interesting dresses, most of which were like strange tuxedos. Margo, on the other hand, only had prudent outfits, which were, yes, technically stylish, but also had a If-I-need-to-go-mountain-climbing-I-can look to them. Taking Peter shopping was also a no, because he horsed around so much, that while it was truly adorable, I couldn't get anything done.

So you can see the appeal of a bunch of friends.

We had decided that we would go on Saturday morning, because we all needed dresses, so it would take quite a long time to get it all sorted out.

That morning, I heard the honk of Kate's white jeep from outside my front door. Groaning, I rolled myself out of bed and put on a black dress, a plaid wrap, and my favorite heeled booties.
I rolled the brownies I had made the night before in plastic wrap and pushed myself out the door, hissing as the cold air hit my skin.
"There she is!! Hop in, you're letting the warm air out!" Chloe shoved the door open for me, beckoning me into the car, slamming it behind me. 

"Alrighty, ladies, pick a song, any song!" Kate exclaimed, passing the aux over to Sabs. 

We chose These Days by Rudimentary, and we were all singing the lyrics dramatically, laughing, waving our arms out the windows... and I couldn't explain to you how happy I was. A feeling of complete serenity passed over me, and I couldn't help but feel good inside. We were in high school, and I had my whole life ahead of me. But I wouldn't be a teenager for much longer, and all I wanted to do was stay in this moment. And for a bit, I forgot. I forgot that my older sister was off traipsing Scotland, I forgot about schoolwork, and I even forgot about Gen. I was awoken out of my state by Chloe yelling, 

"WE WISH WE COULD COME BACK TO THESE DAYS, THESE DAAAAAAYS!" As she sat beside me, and I laughed, and just joined right in.

We spent most of the day shopping, laughing and having a great time. Sabs and I hopped into giant shopping carts in target, and the girls pushed us down the aisles, nearly running an old lady over, and we raided forever 21, occupying practically the entire dressing room. 

Almost all of us found dresses except Chloe, who was being picky. My dress was a cream color, with a floor length floaty skirt and a jeweled top. The day was tons of fun, but I had no idea how terrible that night would be for me.

-

"COVEY! I GOTTA GO!" Peter hollers up the stairs. I changed into my cheer uniform and ran down them, taking two steps at a time.
He had a big lacrosse game tonight, and he was driving me.
By the time we got to the field, he was super stressed out and was visibly nervous about the game.
Peter never got nervous.
"Are you ok? What's up, babe?" I asked in the parking lot. He turned to me, putting his arms around me.
"It's just a big game. There's gonna be a lot of college scouts there, and that's really my only shot at affording college," he shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal to him, but I knew it was.
"Peter Kavinsky, be honest. You are amazing. And you're gonna kick ass out there today and I'm gonna watch and say, ' that's my hot boyfriend' and be proud. How's that, Peter, Kavinsky?" I asked him. A small smile appeared on his face. He pulled me closer and kissed me sweetly. I tried to pull away, but he gripped me tighter, as if he was afraid to let go.
"Ok, Covey. Let's do this." He smiled at me and grabbed my hand, and we walked over to the fields. 
Our team won the game, and everyone was cheering and yelling loudly, lots of guys were jostling each other; girls were looking jealously at my cheer uniform.  The girls and I got to stand on the field, and thank god, This game, I didn't get thrown around, but we did get to wave around our pom poms around.
I felt Peter's arms wrap around me, and he gently brushed my hair back, kissing my neck sweetly. He looked down at me and smiled.

"How would you feel about me going out with the guys tonight?" He asked hopefully, as his friends came up behind him. I looked around. The girls had mostly gone home, But my dad was home, and I could ask him to come get me. So I naturally said, "Of course. Have fun, guys." There were still a lot of people sitting in the bleachers, so I went down just below them, where the cheerleaders were standing during the game, and sat down there, and I scrolled through my phone. 

I felt someone sit next to me, and I assumed it was one of the girls, so I looked up-and boy, was I wrong.

Josh. 

His face was straight, but also twisted in a way that told me he was contemplating something. I hadn't really talked to him in a while. He turned to me, and I froze, not saying anything for a while. I wanted to get up and move, but I couldn't. On the one hand, I was angry with him, and on the other, I actually wanted to hear what he had to say for himself.

"So, you're a cheerleader," He said awkwardly. I could tell he was trying to make conversation. "I didn't know that until today," He continued, and I could tell he was trying to read my face, which for some reason, just made me angrier.
"Yeah, well, you haven't really paid attention to me then," I replied coolly. His face shifted to a defeated one.

"Look, LJ, I just wanted to..." He got cut off by an angry voice. "Josh? What are you doing talking to her ?" 

Ah, queen bitch herself. 

Gen came storming across the field, toward us. "Josh, why are you over here? Let's go." She took his arm and pulled him around. He stopped, pulling her with him, as he was much stronger than him.

"No, Gen. I'm going to talk to Lara Jean." He marched back across to me, and I ran out into the middle of the field, with out thinking, and stood in the center of it, as it started to rain. Perfect. This couldn't get more dramatic. Josh and Gen were coming toward me, arguing, but I was too distracted by the heavy rain dripping down my face.

"How could you want her? Look at her-she's Changed." Gen hissed at me, as Josh stood silently. I felt anger surge inside me, and I could see the people gathering to watch the fight. 

"I've changed? What about you? You're a bitch, Gen. There's no other word, and no one knows why." I shot back, and I knew I would regret this some day, but my adrenaline was rushing through me, and rain was dripping down my face, soaking my cheer uniform. 

"And that's all your fault for kissing Peter! He was mine, Lara Jean." I scoffed and turned to Josh. "Did you know we were in middle school when I did that?" He paused for a moment and took in a deep breath.

"And did you know we're in High school and I'm doing this?" And before I knew what was happening, he had crossed over to me and was kissing me, and I was frozen. I curled my lips in so he couldn't kiss me and pushed him off. 

"I need you, Lara Jean, please, I really like you," Josh pleaded, but my attention was drawn to a break in the small crowd. 

"Covey? You're cheating on me with Josh?" And I saw the utter hurt on Peter's face as he ran. I caught up with him, shoving everyone else aside, and he looked down at me. I was crying so hard, and it surprised me to see he was too. 

"I loved you, Covey. So hard. And I wasn't enough?" His voice hurt me. It was quiet and slow, and so raw. 

"God, no, Peter, he kissed me, and I hated it, and..." He held up a hand. 

"Go home, Lara Jean. We're done." Peter threw something at me, and ran. In my hands was a locket, with L.J. + P.K. engraved on it. And all I could do was sink slowly to the ground and sob as the boy I loved ran away from me.

AHHH IM SO SORRY I HAD TO!! also I'm so sorry this took so much time to update, I was planning on writing it on the bus to a vb game, but I just got moved up to varsity and we had a game in Dallas, which is like 3 hours away from where I live, so I fell asleep on the bus, and It was all downhill from there. 

Anyway, this chapter is dedicated to @aprilelkarose , who gave me the josh idea!! So if y'all wanna blame anyone for the end of covinsky in this chapter, blame her :) jk jk jk!! I swear they're gonna come back. It's happening, don't worry. 

xoxo, 

Graygray <3  (Yeah, that's right, I'm bringing that weird heart thing back, be proud)