I Like Me Better | to all the boys I've loved before

Maybe ok?

not gonna lie I'm supposed to be in choir but instead I'm sitting outside writing this chapter for y'all cause I feel like that was too big of a cliffhanger to leave for long...k here we go please don't hate me for this one

It's been 3 days since he spoke to me. I've called him 19 times, and texted him...but nothing. I've avoided going to school for the past 2 days cause if I saw him I just know I'd burst into tears.
Josh, meanwhile, has been spamming my phone, along with Gen.
He's been texting me, asking to talk, but I just can't. If I do, it'll really feel like I've been cheating on peter. But I haven't.
Gen's been texting me absolutely terrible things, about how I stole peter from her, and how now, I've stolen Josh too. Her texts don't bother me as much; sure, I hate the heck out of her, but she's just being plain old bitchy Gen.

I was laying in my bed, surrounded by candy wrappers, tissues, and pillows, in the same state I had been in for the past 48 hours, and I finally decided I would be ok. At least, I had to get over it. I could just talk to peter, so he couldn't avoid me.
So I decided to bake his favorite cookies and go to his house, so I could explain to him what had really happened, and get him back.

Until I got an Instagram alert.
Gen posted something, and I could already tell my eyes were gonna roll. Probably some
more-revealing-than-necessary pic like "wish you had me now, huh" or something for josh.
Nope.

My baby @Peterkavinsky and I 😍😍

I scrolled down to the comments, feeling my heart breaking.

@Joshsanderson: Wow Gen you really don't have a heart, huh?
@emileeBanders: atta girl!! Get your man!👍
@ChristheClam: ugh cuz leave peter alone, he isn't yours

I smiled at Chris, trying to defend me,  but the next comment I read hurt, badly.

@Peterkavinsky: I forgot how much I needed you my love 😍💕

Was I not good enough for him? This entire time?
I felt hot tears coming down, and I decided I was going to go to his house. Not to get him back, to give him back everything he ever gave me. I didn't need him.
I was lying to myself. God, I needed him so much. My emotions hurt me. So I did what I do every time my emotions get the better of me. I wrote a letter.

Dear Peter Kavinsky,

I don't know how I feel about you. You're hers now, but I wish so much you were still mine. But I don't want the new peter you've become. I miss my Peter, the one that I can watch bad movies with, or talk about deep stuff with. I miss the soft, gentle peter, who would never go between girls in a matter of days. I still want you, but oh, I wish I didn't. I wish I could look at you and think, it's over now; he's a different person. He's like every other guy, just in it for the body, nothing else. But peter Kavinsky, I've been blessed with seeing the real you. Sometimes it's only a glimpse, but I want to be with you even if it's only for glimpses. You're so much more, Peter. So much more than any other guy, or even I could be. What if I never find that again? You've set the bar so damn high, Peter, but I don't just want someone who reaches the bar.
I want you. I want your deep mind, your soft touches, your hugs that can make anything ok. I love you, peter Kavinsky, and I can't stop.
I may never find that again.
But on the other hand, I hate you, peter Kavinsky. I hate that you can change personalities just like that, even if I've seen your true side. I hate that your Gen's now, and that she makes you happier than me.
Peter Kavinsky, I don't know how to feel about you, but I want you. Oh, I want you. But I can't have you. You're hers now.

Love always,

Lara Jean Covey

I made up my mind to go. I would go to his house, give him the letter, and run far, far away from there before I ever had to see his face.
I assumed he would be at gens house, because only Gen had a pool table. So his mom would answer the door, and if she didn't hate me already, she would definitely hate me now. Oh well. It isn't worth worrying about, I'd just give her the letter. So I changed out of my onesie and into jeans and a sweater. I was so angry and determined, I hopped right into the car without even a second thought, not thinking about my driving fear.
-
I pulled up in Peter's gravelly driveway, and I winced at the memories here came flooding into my head. But I gritted my teeth and walked up to the door, knocking three times. I knew his mom was gonna come out, so I rehearsed what I could possibly say to her.
The door swung open, and I opened my moth to say, "Hi, mrs Kavinsky," But I froze.
His face. Peter. At the door.

WHEN I SAY CLIFF YOU SAY HANGER
I'm so sorry y'all I had tooooo!
I'll update soon I promise!! Thank you guys so much for reading and voting, and I promise that convinskys coming back!! Also, how did you guys like the letter I added in there?! I was proud of that one, not gonna lie.

Xoxo,
Graygray