I Like Me Better | to all the boys I've loved before

Send Help, I made a Huge mistake.

Peter was driving me.

I couldn't believe I had let myself get in the car, much less suggest it. But Peter was what I wanted right now, because I just wanted someone to help me get over my heart, which hurt because of Josh and was confused because of Peter, who is holding my hand and currently pulling into his driveway.

"Look, Lara Jean, can I just talk to you?" He asked, as we sat in the silence of the dark car.

I sighed. I didn't want to hear excuses, or maybe I didn't want to hear the truth. Either way, I was just afraid of what would next come out of his mouth.

"Ok. Fine, but please don't lie. No secrets, remember? Fight Club?" I said quietly, making the corners of his mouth lift a little in a smile.

"Right. I know, and let me...can I just start all the way back? When this first started?" He said nervously, pulling his hand away and using it to turn off the car.
"Yes. Please." I said, and we both took our seat belts off, shifting so we could talk better.

"Ok. When we started this, I wanted Gen back. She was my first everything. I guess i was a little attached because of that," He admitted, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I would spin you around, and hug you from behind, and all that and if I closed my eyes, I could pretend it was her. Her that I was hugging, and spinning, and just loving. That made me feel a little better, and for a while I thought she was starting to get jealous and would want me back." He sighed, and went quiet for a moment.

"But then, I would close my eyes and...well, I stopped seeing her. I started seeing you. Our late night talks, your weird but delicious yogurt smoothies, being real and raw, and I guess I realized I didn't want to show you off to make her jealous, I wanted to show you off because God damn it, Lara Jean, I want you. And I want to be able to actually date you and love you and need you so last night, I went over to Gen's house to tell her all that, that it was over with her, and that I was gonna come over to your place tonight to tell you."

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. He wanted me. He really, really, wanted me. and I wanted him. So I said the first thing that came out of my mouth, the stupidest thing I could have possibly said.

"I love you, Peter."

And he turned to look at me, and I saw his eyes flicker to my lips for a moment.

"And I love you, Lara Jean Covey."

Okay, maybe it wasn't the stupidest thing I could have said.

And I still don't really know what happened that night, but I remember him saying his mother wasn't home, and I remember him pulling my off the passenger seat and into his lap, and I remember a fury of lips and tongue and my heart skipping a thousand beats. I remember he couldn't stop saying I love you as he pulled me inside, and I couldn't stop saying his name, and I forgot absolutely everything, until the next morning when I woke up, in his gray painted room under his Navy blue comforter on his bare chest.

I wasn't wearing pants, but my underwear was still on (Thank goodness, Lara Jean,) and I was in one of his oversized tshirts. I felt him move beneath me, and I looked up at him, with his touseled hair and his gentle eyes. He woke up and kissed my forehead, and it wasn't until I rolled and saw his belt on the floor that last night had come back to me. I take that thank goodness back. I was screwed, I messed up, and I was hyperventilating.

Peter obviously noticed. He rolled us over so he was on top of me, his hands resting on either side of me. He kissed my lips softly, and came back up to look at me.
"You ok?" He asked, in a quiet, low morning voice.

I must have looked confused, because he laughed a little and rolled over to slip sweatpants on.
"Hold on, hold on, hold on. What happened last night?" I said, sitting up, letting the comforter pool around my hips. My hair was down and hanging long over my shoulders, and I could see Peter smiling at me. His face changed as we made eye contact, and he was answering my question without speaking. "Oh my god, peter." I said, and sighed as he laid back down, his head in my lap. He was looking up at me, and I could tell he was tracing my face with his eyes. I looked down at him and started playing with his hair, because I knew he liked it and he was going out of his way to make me feel special. We laid there a while, him watching me, me thinking about him. The sunlight was starting to shine in, and I hoped the sun would hit my skin dramatically to make it look better. But before it even could, I heard Peter suck in a breath of air.

"You're my girlfriend," He said, after a while, and his smile grew at that word. "You're my actual girlfriend, who, calm down, I did not get pregnant." He laughed.

I looked over at him. This boy, who made my heart flutter and my brain explode into a million pieces, was actually mine. But I knew it could never be that easy. Ever. But that was ok, I guess, if it meant I got to face it all with him.

The next day, he pulled up at 8 am exactly, so we could get to school at 8:15 am exactly. Kitty had hopped back into the backseat, and I was finally able to lean over and kiss my boyfriend good morning.
"Yeah, ok, ok, we get it, you're 'in loooove' " Kitty said, rolling her eyes and sticking out her tongue at us.

When we got to school, Peter opened my door and put his hand in my back pocket.

"This isn't too seventies for you?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Its the Eighties, actually," He replied, mimicking me.
"Besides," He said, high-fiveing one of his lacrosse friends, "if it works for you, it works for me."
I smiled. Daddy used to say that sometimes, when I was younger. Memories of us girls getting to decide where we went out to eat, what kind of ice cream to get at the store...the little things. I wondered if Peter knew he used to say that, or if he just said it now to prove a point.
We were walking down a main hallway, and I suddenly didn't feel afraid to be in the 'public eye.' When I was with Peter, it was like I was a whole new person. A more outgoing, more risky person. Everyone I had ever wanted to be. Peter had that affect on people, of getting them to be their best selves around him, and it makes me even prouder that he's mine. He finally spun me to face him, his hands falling gently to my hips.

"Hey covey, I have Trig, meet you in the the cafeteria for lunch?" He asked, hooking his fingers through the loops of my jeans and pulling me closer.
I smiled and gave a tiny nod as I looked into his eyes. God, I couldn't believe he was my real, actual boyfriend. And it was almost like he was reading my mind, too, because he brushed my hair back and said in a voice so low and soft only I could hear,
"You're mine, Lara Jean. And I am completely yours." He brushed his lips just barely against mine and walked away, and I felt a smile glued flat to my face.

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Ok y'all, another chapter. I know it took me too long to update this between 1 and 2, but I promise I'll give y'all 3 and 4 as a double feature. Ok, see y'all in the next chapter! Love, Graygray 🤙