I Like Me Better | to all the boys I've loved before

It's all gonna be ok

I couldn't look away from her eyes. She was so sad, and I couldn't stop looking at her.

Chris. My Chris, who I had blown off to hang out with the other girls and had lied to. I was in some really deep shit.

"Lara Jean?" She came up, and I couldn't tell if she was more mad or disappointed, but whatever was in her voice made my heart hurt.

"Look, Chrissy," I start, but she cuts me off, obviously furious with me. "No. Lara Jean, I have always been there for you. Always. But now I just want to be friends with you, and you're leaving me, lying to me, and I don't know who you are anymore." She shook her head and started to leave, when I said,

"It's not like I meant to. It's just my girls wanted to go to dinner, and.." I didn't think I could have made it worse but I saw her face contort, and in that moment, I knew that was it, and I had managed to make it worse.

So, so, much worse.

"Your girls? Your girls! What about a month ago, huh? What about that?" I knew where she was going with this, and I knew my face had twisted into a pleading look. If she told the girls, I would have another problem.

"Chris, please don't..." She shook her head at me. "No, they deserve to know what a backstabber you really are."

"Ok, there's no reason to talk to LJ like that," Hannah started, and al the girls started backing her up.

"Oh ok. So I shouldn't tell you about how she lied about wanting to be your friends, and how when we were talking, she said you were all stuck up rich girls," Chris said, and I don't think she even knew what she was saying at this point.

"Lara Jean?" Sabs turned to me. Her face was shocked, mixed with hurt. I couldn't tell another lie. But I also didn't want her to know the truth.

"Um..Lara Jean, we...we should probably go," Hannah said, pushing past me, as all the girls pushed along too. They walked out, and Chris gave me a look of disgust then went behind them, and I watched as they all parted from behind the glass window. I could feel the tears slowly starting to fall, and I instantly wished I wasn't here, that I was alone in my room.

-

It was 20 minutes later when I finally got home, and I just let my bike drop to the ground on the soft grass outside, and I ran inside, up to my colorful room, slamming the door behind me. My dad wasn't home, but Kitty came hobbling in, and plopped down on my bed, and I was secretly grateful for her being there, and she looked over at me, spinning around uselessly in my desk chair.

I was lying to everyone. No one knew who I had become,

And I didn't either.

Peter came immediately, so I guess either Kitty called him, or he just had ridiculously good time. He had practically sprinted into my room, and in just a few strides, had crossed my room, lifted me from my chair, and had set me on the bed. We went a few hours re-hashing what had happened, and I was not ready for school again.

On Monday morning, I practically had to drag myself out and to school.

I was in a long sweater, a button up jean skirt and my comfiest turtleneck. My homework was all half done, and my lunch was a couple of dollars and a prayer. Peter drove up, and since Kitty left with a friend for school already, it was just us.

"Hey, Covey, how're ya holdin up?" He asked, taking my bag for me. He leaned over and kissed me, sweet and reassuring, and I felt a little confidence come back in, which I was grateful for.

"I know no one, Peter! I have no friends, and I'm so tired and socially awkward, I don't know what to do!" I added, although I was too busy searching the room for the girls, who had still been avoiding me sinisterly.

Peter wrapped another arm around my waist, and pulled me a little closer to him, so I was now facing him, and his deep Peter eyes were staring lovingly back at me. He always got me with those eyes. So I was now smiling, and Peter was tracing my jawline and lips with his eyes, and then all of a sudden, his hand moved to the steering wheel. He laced our fingers on his other hand together and we set off for school, the last place I wanted to be right now.

The night before, we had talked about what Chris had said, and how the girls had reacted, and he was confused, because I kept telling him they were right (which they were) and he wouldn't believe me.

I knew they had a reason to mad at me, and if I were I their place, I would be fuming, too.

Peter was going to be my life preserver that day, as I avoided all eye contact with anyone of the female gender, just in case it was one of the girl, or Chris.

I was finally staring to feel okay, with Peter, when Sab's shoulder hit behind and I pushed back, trying to catch it in time. Peter looked angrily behind her.

"They can't just treat you right, can they?" he asked, without really thinking.

I sighed, this was the part I hated.

"I mean, they kind of have a point." I admitted. And they were really right. I was a lying, cheating, misleading jerk, and I was really sorry.

As much as I was grateful for my supportive boyfriend, he couldn't see that they were right. That was the worst part.

He looked over at me.

"No one should treat you like that, Covey. You deserve better. But they are your friends, so just talk to them. Call them over and talk to them." He gave me the pointed "you know I'm right" look, and so that afternoon, Chris begrudgingly came over.

We were awkwardly sitting on my couch when she finally spoke to me.

"Why, LJ? I thought we were friends." She said, hurt. I looked over at her and sighed.

"Ok, I'm gonna tell you everything, ok?" I took in a breath. "It all started at a party. I went to be with the girls, because Peter wanted me to get to know the lacrosse girlfriends. From the outside, they look rich and Bratty, and I used to think they were. But they're so smart, and funny, and like us. You'd really like them, Chris!
And I guess I was just confused, maybe.I've never had that. Chris, I've always been invisible, and now I wasn't."

My whole life, I thought I wanted to be invisible, but now I knew it was because I wasn't ever not invisible. But now I had friends, and I didn't want to be invisible.

I wanted my friends, and Peter. So after Chris left, (on good terms), the girls came over and I explained everything to them.

Then Peter came over, and even though he wasn't mad at me, I told him absolutely everything. And he told me everything, and we were talking and cuddling until 3 am, and that's how I knew everything was gonna be ok.

YAY!! It's up!
ALSO YOU GUYYYS WE HAVE OVER 1K READS!! I've never had over 4, this is amazing. I love and Appreciate you all. I'll be uploading the next chapter soon, and in honor of all our reads, there's gonna be so much fluff you could make a pillow.

K much love, XOXO,

Graygray :)