My Fight

Lots Of Feelings

Today was a pretty good day until now.

I just got back from the doctor, he thinks I have some ulcers and irritated bowl. So I feel pretty frustrated, first fibromyalgia and now this. I feel like God hates me. That God just gives me so much shit to deal with. I don't know what to do with all this shit. I am hurting like hell from fibromyaglia and now I got stomach problems. What next God? What next are you going to curse me from? I feel like God has left me. For the past eight years I have been through hell and it's not getting better any time soon. I am tired of this. I am tired of everything. I feel so sick of life.

Lately my sister has been so hard to be around because she is so mean. Last night she was really mean to me and it hurts. I know she is struggling with her illnesses but words hurt and lately she has been attacking me. I feel like she doesn't care about me because last night I asked her to clean my room and she was mean to me the whole time she cleaned. She didn't even clean, she made a bigger mess for me to have to deal with. I am just sick of her shit. I am sick of her treating me like shit. My Mom keeps reminding me that she is in her illness right now that she doesn't mean it personal to me but it feel pretty fucking personal when she just attacks me and points out my flaws. Last night she brought up the past which always makes me feel horrible because in the past I have been horrible to her. I hate it when she brings up the past because it makes me feel worthless. I feel pretty worthless to God right now.

I don't know what to do about anything right now. I feel lost, empty, numb, worthless, useless, depressed, down, sad, hurt, angry at God, and I just have so many feelings.

Any advice or encouraging words from anyone? I could really use it.

That's all for now,

I love you.

-Harper