My Fight

I'm not okay..

I really don't know how to be okay with the fact that I am going to be in constant chronic pain for the rest of my life. I know I need to make peace with the fact that I do have a chronic illness without a cure. But I don't know how to let go of what I thought my life would look like. I was always so good at singing and it was my dream to be a professional singer. But that dream was crushed once I got sick with fibromyalgia because I can't stand for longer than five minutes. I don't know how to be okay with being disabled. I know I am disabled and that I have to use a tens unit, cane, and wheelchair but I want to be healthy. I want to be healthy so bad and I just have to learn to let go of that dream. I don't know if I will ever be able to live on my own. I still live with my parents because I am physically unable to work. That makes me feel worthless because I want to work and make money. But I can't. I am trying all these treatments and praying something with help. But I feel so down and depressed. I fear I will never get better. How do I okay with the fact that I will always be in pain? I have so many hopes and dreams that just won't come true. I don't know how to accept that this is my life now. I want to be happy and healthy. I never thought I would wake up and get sick and then never get better. I feel so sad and down. I wish I could just disappear. I know my family, friends, and my pets need me. But I wish I could just fall asleep and never wake up. Or I wish I could wake up without chronic pain. I pray so much to God and ask Him to heal me. I don't know if He ever will. I don't know how to be okay with my new life. I know I have good things in my life but all I can see is the physical pain and depression.  I am trying to be okay but I am not. I'm not okay...

Thank you for listening❤️

I love you all❤️

-Harper❤️