My Fight

An update

Hey everyone, I know it's been so long since I have updated so here's an update.

***suicidal thought***

I am currently in so much unbearable pain due to fibromyalgia. I have constant chronic back pain that makes me want to die. I am very depressed and have been having suicidal thoughts. I am currently wearing a tens unit 24/7 to help with my fibromyalgia pain. But I still feel so much pain it's killing me. I just hate the amount of pain I am in. I am depressed because of my pain. I am scared I will never get out of pain. My pain just makes me want to disappear. I just pray so hard that I will be out of pain but God hasn't been answering me. I don't know what to do anymore.

I am still in college and majoring in English to become an editor of books. I love college but right now it's summer so I am on a break.

Currently my sister who is transgender has gotten diagnosed with an eating disorder and she refuses to eat or drink. I am scared she won't get better and die. Anorexia is serious and I am scared he won't get better. I want him to get better so bad but he doesn't want to.

My mom who has bipolar like me is depressed again and I am worried she will get suicidal again. Last time she got suicidal she had to go into a mental hospital. I know she is so worried about me and my brother. I know the stress is killing her.

My Dad isn't going good either. He isn't sleeping and he is probably depressed. He is so very stressed and I worry about him.

I feel so overwhelmed with stressed and so worried about everyone in my family. I honestly don't know how we are going to get through this. I don't know if I will ever be okay again. I know I need to accept that I will probably be in pain for the rest of my life but I don't want to. I still dream of being healthy and happy.

So yeah, thank you for listening. I will try to update this book weekly. I love you all❤️

-Harper❤️