My Fight

Depressed And In Pain

Today I went and saw my therapist. It was a good session but I just feel like he doesn't understand me. I am struggling from fibromyaglia and honestly, not many people understand. My Mom understand because she has it but that's the only person in my life who can relate to my pain. The best way I can describe the pain I am feeling is: imagine someone is stabbing you in the back very hard. That's how I hurt constantly. The pain never ends, I honestly don't know if I will ever be pain free. I see my pain doctor next week but she is mean so I am not looking forward to that. I just want to be able to live my life again. Right now I am just surviving. 

Today my sister is performing in the band in the fair parade. Then they are going see the picture she entered in the fair and got first place. I really wanted to go but it would be so much walking that I couldn't do it. It makes me sad when I can't do things. I want to do things SOO bad but my pain stops me. I don't know what I am supposed to do. Do things despite the pain, but how can I? I hurt so bad. I just feel so frustrated and want to be better, but I am not.

I feel so depressed. I have no motivation to do anything. I just feel so sad, down, worthless, and hopeless all the time. I just don't know what to do. It makes me not want to go anywhere or do anything. I know I am depressed because I am in so much pain from fibomyalgia. But depression is depression and it sucks.

I had a scope done last week and the doctors found out I don't have ulcer (THANK YOU JESUS!) but I may have stones in my bile ducts. So I had an MRI on Monday to look for stones and on Thursday I get the results from that test. If I do have stones I will have to have surgery to get the stones out. It's scary but honestly I will do anything to get out of stomach pain. I was throwing up today so that's no fun.

My sister still thinks she is transgender. My parents had a therapy session with her therapist and her therapist she is doing for attention and because my parents are so against it is just making my sister want to be transgender even more. My Mom is having tons of migraines and complex migraines which is like having a stroke. My Mom also struggles with her fibromyaglia and it has been really bad lately. My Dad is grouchy and stressed. No one is really happy right now.

Any encouragement would be amazing. Thank you so much for listening and reading!

-Harper