My Fight

Good Day But Now In Pain

***trigger warning: talk of abusive boyfriend***

I have had a good day but now I am in a lot of pain.

My grandparents are visiting this weekend so today I went shopping with my sister and granny (that's my grandma.) I got a lot of clothes that I really love and a lot of yarn that I use to crochet. It was a successful shopping trip and I enjoyed it.

Now I just feel so exhausted, in pain, and down. I am really tired of being in pain all the time. It's exhausting and I can't do much. I do school, very few chores, crochet, and write. But I want to be able to do more. I want to go places and not hurt the whole time. I want to live life without pain. I want to go sing at my church, meet people, go on dates, and just have fun! I want to live and not just survive. I feel sad because I can't do those things. I feel sad that I hurt all the time. I just feel sad. I hate feeling sad but I do.

I have been having a lot of nightmares lately about my abusive ex boyfriend. I keep having the dream that he comes back and kills me. He was SOO cruel to me and his parents were so cruel to me. He would hit me, say if I broke up with him, him would kill me and himself. His mom tripped me when I walked by her. He touch me in private places. He was and still is EVIL! I took my case to the court but it got dropped. I looked at his facebook page and see he is dating a really pretty and nice girl. I feel so sorry for that girl. I don't miss him. I am scared of him. He's totally evil. So his memories haunt my dreams. I don't know how to stop dreaming about him. 

I have been through hell and I am still going through hell. I just want to get better and be happy for once.

Thank you for listening.

-Harper