Hi, I'm Hayley

trapped

I wake up slowly, trying to blink away the awful scenes that still play behind my closed eyes. Crash being shot. Missy being taken and Indi crying. Neon screaming. It's an endless nightmare.
I awake to a dark, damp and gloomy room with chains on the wall and fresh and dry blood on the floor. Some of it's mine.
There's a bed sticking out of the wall, that I've been sleeping on for the last....I don't even know how long..maybe a few days? I have no idea where the other girls are, though I think they might be in rooms, or cells rather, similar to this.

I can't do much at all except think. My jacket is bloody and torn from the battle, as is my shirt, my jeans remain in the same dusty condition they were before, but my hair is a mess. It hangs around my face, tangled and greasy. It's not fluffy as it should be and the bright red colour makes it look as though my whole head is bleeding.

I raise a shaky hand to my forehead and run my fingers across the huge cut left by a rock smashed into my head by a Drac.
Surprisingly I was treated for the worst wounds, I guess Korse doesn't want me dead. That being said I haven't been given any food or anything of the sort. Not even a pill. The hunger is awful;
it hurts and I have no distractions whatsoever. You'd think I'd be used to being hungry but apparently not.

I just want out of here

I want to go home
...

Many hours pass. I've taken off my boots and jacket, i don't think I'll be going anywhere so why keep them on? I don't like being in here, in my head.

"Come on Cherry. Don't be a little bitch. Just suck it up, you're stuck here and can't do anything about it."
I tell myself, out loud. I guess I'm talking to myself now.

In a way I don't mind being alone here, it means nobody can see what I look like since I arrived. I probably look like hell. Plus I still have my pocket knife on me, so I've made a few scrappy drawings on the concrete walls, although I'm really only doing that so the knife goes blunt. I don't want to be rescued if my arms look like they used to. Though...it couldn't hurt to just make a few little patterns on my leg, right?
Wait fuck no no way no I've been clean so long I can't screw it now! Just breathe.

Crash would think I'm insane.

I hold my arms against my chest, hugging myself and trying to think about anything other than the ugly scars all over my body. They're everywhere nobody can see.
It's bad, but not like it used to be. I think since I left the training academy I haven't tried to do it, not even once.
Wow that's ages.

I can feel myself losing my mind.
I need saving, I can't do this on my own.
"Please help me." I say weakly, like I'm expecting a response.
The silence is deafening. I repeat the phrase "help me" a few more times before I start crying.

"Fucking get me out of here!"

My head is haunting me, and my chest feels hollow. Scrambling to my feet I kick everything I can, releasing the pressure building up in my chest. I kick the walls over and over again, hoping to make a dent but alas nothing can break them down.

...

I wake up again, next to the wall. Fuck my back hurts, probably shouldn't have fallen asleep on the ground.

I'm feel like I'm going insane. Everything is terrifying and dark and bloody and cold.
This is so fucking frustrating. What does Korse want from me anyway? Why hasn't he come down to face me? Why haven't I been fed? Why patch me up if I'm left to die?

The anger builds up and I yell into the tiny air vent, slamming my fist into the brick beneath it.

"MOTHERFUCKER!!"

Okay that really hurt.
My knuckles are already turning a dark pink colour and the skin is scraped badly.
For some reason it feels good though. All the anger leaves me as I throw punch after punch at the concrete wall, and even as blood starts trickling down from my hands, I keep going.
I'll probably break my hands doing this.
It's only when my hands are shaking so badly I can't move them and my eyes so clouded with tears I can't see that I stop. I fall to my knees, shaking, sobbing and choking out apologies to people who aren't here, and I might never get up again. I'll just stay here lying on the cold hard ground, a crazy worthless mess.

'Smash your head against the wall, you'll feel better.'

A voice in the back of my head says.
I don't think it's the best idea but I don't give a fuck right now. Plus who's gonna stop me?
After two minutes of it, the cut on my head is throbbing painfully, and I feel dizzy.

I've worn myself out by crying and beating up the walls, and I start losing consciousness.

"Where are you Veari?"

Is all I get out before I fall into a dreamless sleep.

A/N: hi this chapter is genuinely bad but whatever I needed something. also uhhhh bRING NE THE HORIZON IS COMING TO MY CITY NEXT YEAR CAN I GET A HELL YEAH?!?! AND 'MANTRA' IS SO GOOD OMFG
Oh and 'My Blood' by tøp was released and I love it so much it's a heckin bOp

my not-so-inner emo is losing her mind over this.
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EDIT 29/8/19: hello!!!! i went to bmth and it was gr8. stuff happened and I'm back with the writing and edited this chapter A LOT BECAUSE EW IT WAS BAD. anyway bye I'm off to editing/writing the new chapter!