Perfectly Scarred

The Brands

The "fresh clothes" that Jessica is saying turns out to be a bloodred hospital gown with a v-neck in front to make room for my chest branding. I recognize it from the man whom Lalisa and I were forced to listened as he screamed while his skin was seared.

Lalisa's jaw works overtime as she watches me take the gown, her eyes are black and full of concern. I have her full attention now , her full respect. We don't get to say goodbye and I feel upset that our contact will forever remain without words but I will cherish it for the rest of my life.

Before entering the branding chamber, I sit in a small holding room with Jessica and August. They go throught pamphlets of information with me about what is going to happen, what will I see, what will I feel, which is apparently nothing as they numb my skin, and how to treat my wounds after. They hand me so many pamphlets for aftercare services, therapy sessions, emergency hotlines which are all branded with Failure brandings. I sign some paperwork, short agreements about how the society will not be held accountable if any brandings go wrong.

As I step out, I see Lalisa into the long, narrow corridor that leads to the branding chamber. I see her outside sitting at the bench where we sat together, guarded by Tommy. I can tell that Tommy is happy with this as he has a sneer look on his face, he smirked at me. I'm sure as hell it will be an entertainment for him to hear my scream. And then it hit me, Lalisa will hear me scream, my family will hear me scream.

No, I won't let that happen. I will not allow them to see me in agony. I will not scream.

Feeling defiant, I believe this is the first time I have ever truly felt that the thing I did on the grocery store was empathy and compassion, and now I feel anger and I am rebellious to the society.

Our eyes meet. Hers are strong like she's giving me strength through her stare but I know she worries about me. I am shocked when she hands me a note.

"I will find you" she says suddenly, her voice a little bit husky and heavenly. It is the first time I heard her speak.

I smile my thanks and excuse myself to go in the bathroom. Jessica accompanies me, as soon as I reach the cubicle, I read the letter and totally surprised.

Roseanne,

I finally know your name. I finally know the name of the person who helped me. I want to thank you for saving me. I understand that you have to lie in the court for your sake but I want you to know that I am very thankful for the kind gesture. I've been a flawed for quite some time and I never encountered people helping me. You are the first, Roseanne. And I will forever treasure the kindness you showed me, child. Thank you for being my angel. I love you and always take care of yourself.

The Failure old woman you helped, Lucia Fern

I broke down in tears. She died last night and I didn't have the chance to speak to her. I wiped off my tears and something about the letter gives me courage but I wonder how Lalisa got it.

As I go back in the branding chamber, Lalisa pulls me and gives me a hug, a warm hug that I've been longing to feel. She fills me with the strength that I need to enter the room without freaking out. I need to be strong for them, for Lucia Fern. My parents, my sister and granddad are behind the glass, their faces display terror that I feel inside. I don't want them to see me being branded but I have no choice, they have to witness this as a reminder not to imitate what I did. To serve as a lesson for everyone.

Ms. Bennett is here too which makes me uncomfortable, though I'm sure she must be here for legal purposes. But I look around and see Lalisa beside Jisoo, that gives me strength.

Jessica places me in the chair. My body is bound to the chair- at my wrists, ankles, head and waist- so I can't kick and flail as they burned my skin. They want to ge the perfect Failure symbol all the time.