Particular taste S.M || ✔

Ten

You gonna find another lover, one who doesn't waste your time

But every time you look at me, my body says one last night

Grace ~ Bebe Rexha

~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

I don't know what is going on in my head all the time but I know I need to explain myself to so many people in my life, I need people to know why I am doing this to them or to myself all the time, I need people to know why I am this person after all the things that happened to me, people need to know the real reason why I am no longer the happy person I was a while ago, the person who was care free, the person who got a different guy his number every night because she was someone who didn't gave up on love and most importantly life. People need to know the real Sabrina and I need to find her again because deep down she is in me.

"What are you going to do now?" Lara helps me up from her bed and I shake my head, I was lucky I could leave the house this morning without Scott knowing it, I got texts and I just said Lara really needed me and he bought it, I feel bad for lying but I am lying about my feelings too so I guess it can't be badder than it already is, all the mess I made myself and no one else to give the fault too right now. "I don't know anymore, we will see how it goes today." I put my cardigan on because the lacy bodysuit was not the best idea I had in a while showing my breasts too much right now with the mom jeans I found somewhere in my closet. "Sabrina you need to be honest about your feelings to people you care about because otherwise you are going to scare them away and we don't want that again to happen to you." 

It is not that I don't know that but it is just hard to be honest to people, it is weird for me to not like Scott, he was everything I always looked for in a boy and now that I finally have him I can only think about one person in my mind and it sucks to know I can never be with that person because he doesn't feel the same for me, because who can have feelings for a girl who fakes her own happiness for some guy that likes her after all these years. "But what if me being honest to people about my feelings, affects my relationships with them? You know I am bad at saying goodbye to people I will never see again in my life, it always ends up with me going back to them." Lara shakes her head and is now in front of me looking right trough my eyes. "That is the thing about being honest to people Sabrina, you never know how it will go, sometimes it will go good and sometimes bad that is life and you can't change anything about it. You need to find the right people you want in your life and if that means you need to let go of them first than so be it, if it is really meant to be it will all work out." 

I get up and take my purse where everything is inside, it is the time to be honest to people and if that means me losing friendships than it is like that, I need to be more honest about my feelings for people. "What are you doing Sabrina, you can't just leave right now, you are not in the right state?" I look back at Lara who looks confused at me. "I am going to start being honest to people from now on and if that means doing it right now than I am okay with it. I am done being the Sabrina I am right now, I need the real Sabrina again and I will find her today." I walk outside and get into my car, I wave goodbye to Lara and start my drive to Emely, I know where she is right now because Amy texted me the adress yesterday when I couldn't sleep with Scott next to me. 

Knocking at the door of Amy, I didn't expect to see Emely and Amy both wearing nothing but only some towel that barely covers their body. "I am so sorry for disturbing you, I can come back later if you want that, I would get it, I really would." Amy shakes her head and pulls me inside, showing me her house. "Do you need something to drink or to eat?" I shake my head and when I look at Emely she is now wearing joggers and some simple shirt. "What are you doing here Sabrina, I tought I was sure last time that I didn't want to see you anymore?" I lay my hands in my lap and look at the ground before I answer Emely her question. "I don't know if you have seen or heard your brother since yesterday." She shakes her head and I take a deep breath. "Well we are kind of dating right now but it doesn't feel right at all and I didn't had you to talk about it."