Particular taste S.M || ✔

Nineteen

I'm no good without you

And I can't get enough

Love on the brain ~ Rihanna

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I have never been someone who takes the first step in anything in life and for the first time in my life I am in need to do that and I am scared about it, I am not sure how to break Sabrina her walls but I do know I want to break them, I want to be with her and I will do everything for it even it means it will take a whole damn year. But the thing about Sabrina is that she is hard to figure out so it will take a long time to find out if she does like me.

I have been gone for a month now, I had an important business meeting with someone in Europe and it took longer than I tought it would do, it also has been a whole month since I last saw Sabrina and sure it was hard not to call her or text her but I was sure how I wanted her back in my life and I was not going to change my plan at all even tho I wanted to do that a lot in the past month.

"Home sweet home." I open my door and see my condo still the same as I left it, all clean and no spare room occupied by someone, Lara left my house the day after she told me her real feelings, she found a place to stay and I don't know where it is but she wanted me to not call her because she wanted to figure out her feelings first, I don't know how I felt about it but I wanted her to be happy so I did that, my phone has been dead lately the only people that call me are work people or James who misses me.

I take my phone out of my pocket and search for James his mother in my contacts. I wait for a few seconds before someone picks the phone up. "Mommy her phone, James speaking." I chukcle and start to search something to eat that I can eat in my fridge. "Hi James it is uncle Shawn." I hear James his little laugh on the other side of the phone and I can't wait to finally have my own child and stay awake for them and look out for them when they need me or when they don't even need me at all.

"How has it been lately?" I hear James sitting down at his couch while watching some movie on the tv. "I had so much fun yesterday, I went to the rollercoaster with mommy and someone from her work, he was nice but he is not you uncle Shawn you are funnier to be with." I chuckle while getting one of the bottles of waters in my fridge because that is now the only thing I have that I can drink or even eat. "I will come with you next time, I promise you James." I take my car keys out of my pocket and lay them at my table next to my door. "Thank you uncle Shawn, I need to go now, love you." James hangs up and I smile big, that little guy is the only thing I care about now.

I get to my bathroom and start my shower while taking off my clothes, I get in the shower and start to wash my hair, I love taking a shower because it gives me the time to think about things, it makes me think about everything that goes on in my life, I should have done a lot of things better in my life but I know one thing for sure now that I can try to change some of them, I want people back in my life and I will make it sure they will come back and I don't really care how I will take them back or in what way they will play a role in my life, I just need them in my life.

So I should do the first step of my plan to get Sabrina back in my life, I should start it now once I am done with this shower, I want her back in my life and if that means by making a fool out of myself I will, making her hate me or even ignoring me for a while than I accept that because I want her back and only her. She is the person for me that I want to end my life with so from now on I am going to make Sabrina fall in love with me, with everything it cost.

Making Sabrina fall in love with me will be hard, I know that but I want her to be by my side all day long, I want to wake up next to her with my arms around her and for once she won't walk away as she usually does when she is with me, I want her to eat breakfast with me, talk to me about her and mine day because we want to know each other, we want to care about each other but I know it is a fantasy that maybe never will happen because she thinks she doesn't deserve love.