There are always consequences!
I really should have put that at the beginning of my story and loaded it up with exclamation marks. It would have saved me a whole lot of trouble and heartbreak. But, then what good would that have been?
We learn from our consequences, in fact, it is those consequences that either break us or make us. It is those consequences along with the trauma that we all go through, that forces us to reveal our inner strength.
Yes, inner strength... That thing that we think we might be missing... But then it comes up out of the blue just to surprise us! That's what this chapter is about!
There I was standing, feeling weak and heartbroken in the middle of a motel parking lot in the early morning. Luis had just left and Jaime was still standing there draped in a towel. I don't know who to feel worse for. Myself, Luis or Jaime.
There are always consequences and right now boththose men are dealing with the ramifications of getting involved with me.
I approach Jaime and my mind is instantly driven back to that morning after our one-night stand, where I kicked his ass out of my apartment. I can barely stomach the guilt as I realize just how humiliated he would have felt in front of Adam.
I see that same humiliation on his face now. Yet, he almost looks as if he feels sorry for me. I don't need his pity. I really don't.
"Is there anything that I can do?" he asks as he follows me into my motel room.
"No, there really isn't," I say, feeling defeated.
"I'm sorry..." he replies.
"Don't be."
There is a moment where he looks like he wants to say something, but he resists the temptation. He begins searching for his clothes and makes his way into the bathroom to dress in peace.
I sit on the chair at the desk and rest my head in my hands. I am thoroughly ashamed of myself.
I begin to wonder just how things might have turned out if I had of gone to my therapist appointment the day before. I might never have seen Jaime and my reunion with Luis might have been far more amazing.
But who's to know for sure? I am tired and I understand that Jaime would be tired too. But when he finally steps out of the bathroom, dressed, I am in the process of packing my clothes into my suitcase.
"What are you doing?" He asks me.
"I need to face the consequences of my problems," I respond as I pick up Zachary's cage and search for my heroic feline.
"You're going after Luis?" Jaime asks me. "I get that I'm the worst person to be giving you advice but that..."
"No. I'm not going after him. I'm going to stay with my parents. I'm going to fess up to my mother and I am going to make some big changes! If you see Adam... Get him to call me. Tell him that I'm ready to speak... No, on second thought, I'll just tell him myself."
I go back to packing my things and my cat. I leave Jaime with the cash for the motel owner and I jump into my car. Before I can drive out of town, I slip a note under the crack in the door at Doreen's cafe.
'Hi, thank you for everything. I'm finally willing to open up but I need to do a few things first. But I will come back to visit, I promise.
Yours truly, Nicole Andrews.
PS. Sorry for breaking the coffee pot. I will pay for it. I promise!'
I get back into my Audi and take off like a bat out of hell out of town... thank you, Meatloaf for that reference! I'll have that song stuck in my head for days now.
