Jolinsky Proof

I'm Sorry.

Hey guys... I'm sorry I haven't updated in like, what, 2 years?? Lately, I've been going through a lot.

First, I was kicked out of my dads house and living with my friend for 2 months, then I had slept in my car for one night when we had argument. I stayed with my mom at her house for the remaining 2 weeks before I was able to move into my current apartment by myself.

I lost one of my "best friends" and now I found out she's telling other people lies about me after I completely dropped her for finding out she was telling me lies about some of my closest friends that I almost dropped for her.

My sister came over to my apartment not too long ago and had told me that my dad had favored her and how my mom always tells her that she thinks she fucked me up and that I'm not happy and that I hate her. They apparently treated me extremely different from her in ways I didn't even know. She hadn't even known that I attempted suicide 3 YEARS AGO until a few months ago!!!! She didn't know anything about my life until my mom had sat me down and told her everything that had happened in my life regarding my mental illness. She didn't even know that my biological mom had drank while pregnant with me. She asked me if I was a FAS and I asked her what that was. She said "Fetal Alcohol Syndrome." I thought she knew all of these things about me that she just didn't. And it's weird and upsetting to hear about.

My mom and sister moved to a different house and everyone except me got to see it. I didn't even get to see the house I grew up in for a last time. I have been inside of that house once in my life, and that was a week ago. They've been living there for about a month.

Then, my ex and I cut off all contact with each other on Tuesday, 9-11-18. I was seriously in love with him. We got into a lot of arguments and eventually, we both had enough. He doesn't want anything to do with me anymore, and I still love him. About 2 months ago, I broke my almost 2 year clean streak and cut again after my ex and I got into an argument and almost broke up. Then, I cut again the night we broke up 9-4-18. And then, I did it again on 9-11-18 after he left when we met up as "just friends" and we had a discussion that really hurt. And then, I did again later that night after I texted him and he said he couldn't continue talking to me anymore. I loved him more than anyone I've ever loved before. He made me feel safe and special. He never purposely tried to hurt me. I hate myself for breaking up with him.
Update: He is now dating some other chick when we had been broken up for not even 3 weeks.

And then, I found out my great-uncle had passed away from cancer last night on 9-16-18. And I was the last in my family to find out, and I had to find out through my cousins Snapchat, an hour after he had posted it. So that hurt. My mom didn't even bother telling me herself.

Ok and now there's an update... I'm apparently really sick.. I don't think it's deathly, but a doctor at Urgent Care told me to go to the hospital if I start puking, which I almost have, and they're going to tell me what's wrong with me tomorrow and if I will need medicine or not. And on top of that, I have (this will kinda gross you out) a UTI!!! It's extremely painful and I hate it. So I'm forced to drink a lot of cranberry juice and take pills now until I can see a doctor about that.

So yeah, my life is completely falling apart now.

Anyway, I'm sorry for the rant. I'll try to update when I'm ready, but I just don't know. I'm sorry.