Oh, how I wish I lived.
Oh, how I wish I lived free.
Oh, how I wish I lived free of outside expectations and rules.
Oh, how I wish I lived free of outside expectations and rules, on my own.
Oh, how I wish I lived free of outside expectations and rules, on my own, simply living and enjoying life MY WAY.
I find myself constantly thinking and repeating these lines in my head, as though they were written on my script, the script of some kind of play. But life is no play, not at all. I am selfish when it comes to making decisions. Whenever others dress up in armor ready to fight me about something, I build my wall stronger. I sometimes wish I was simply alone. Often I look up at the sky, hand in my heart and simply beg an impossible shooting star to make me disappear. Take me away, very far away from all those that cause me stress. Those from the opposite side of the battle field. In my head I know I am stronger, and I can take them down, but I simply do not find it worth it. So, instead whenever people attack me with their thoughts and opinions, which aren't like mines at all, I get defensive, but in MY OWN way. I defend myself by just standing there, not saying anything, simply waiting for my opponent to tired up on their own words. And they may think it rude of me. Not to say anything against their point. But I do not find it worth it. I hate wasting my time.
I not only wish I could disappear during my arguments, but I wish they wouldn't even happen. Consequently, I wish I was alone, with no one around me. No one to argue or dispute things over with. No one to be my opponent. I fancy the idea of my own life, of being responsible for the reigns of my life's carriage. I dream about when I am old enough to do whatever and everything I want. With people at an enough distance that they cannot control me any longer. I feel like a grown-up already, and I am deemed stupid for it. Later, I remember my actual age, and I know I am immature. Yet immature to the eyes of others though, but not to my own.
Oh, how I wish I could change their minds.
I would show them everything I am capable of managing at once, how responsible I am for things, how organized I keep my environment, and how sufficient I am at making MY OWN decisions. I would also show them that I am not stupid for my dreams or way of dealing with conflict, they are mine, only mine.
But regardless of the immensity of my wishes, I still can't make them come true. Neither can't the shooting start I always longed for. I can only accept it and wait, be patient, so that when the time to run away comes, I'll be more ready than ever. I am still "little", young, a teenager, not old enough. Not old enough to be able to stand against my opponents, they that are adults already, a fact I envy so much. I am not old enough to be taken for granted, to be listened to, and therefore, not old enough to know what's right and wrong when making decisions. At least that's what they say.
That's what they say.
That I cannot decide today.
I am still 15.
I am living life as a teen.
And I want you to understand a few things:
I am not mature.
I am just me.
I am not older.
But I will be.
YOU ARE READING
writing with all of my life - dated writings
RandomIf you have time. You can read. You can write. You can feel. You are alive. This is a collection of writings I have done on various topics and throughout time. Unexpected and unplanned, yet passionate and direct. These are the best types of texts...
