&𝘽𝙐𝙍𝙉 「ˢᶜᵒᵗᵗ ʳᵉᵉᵈ 」

fifteen !

I THREW MYSELF ONTO my bed and roll myself into my covers.

I lay on my back, wrapped in my blanket, and stare at my ceiling. I don't move, I just stare.

Life seemed to be going downhill ever since Jeff and it was finally getting good, but I'm just too scared.

I'm scared to have anything good happen in my life. I just feel like it isn't fair to be happy since he's gone.

Yet, I shouldn't be miserable.

I know Jeff would want me to be happy and "living my best life" but I can never seem to pull through it. I don't want to because it's not the same. It never will be.

I just need to except the fact that not everything is going to be fine. That being miserable is something I don't need to live in.

I have my whole life ahead of me. I don't want to spend it thinking that I shouldn't be happy.

High school also doesn't last forever and soon it will be over. I need to have a great experience to talk about when I'm older.

But here I am, laying in bed like nobody's business.

I can see the constant flashing going off from my phone in my peripheral vision.

I grab my phone and flip it around to see dozens of texts. I scroll through the notifications and see all my friends names.

I guess they didn't get the memo of leaving me alone for the time being.

I shut my phone off anyways, ignoring them, and close my eyes. I need a nap.

My stomach still felt uneasy and maybe I could just sleep it off. That works for anything.

———

Waking up wasn't easy. I forgot about everything in the time of my nap. What day it was, the time, the year.

I also felt a little refreshed. It all felt new, but I felt some relief.

I slowly checked the time seeing it was almost nine. I know that I'm about to be up all night thanks to that nap.

I finally decide that I would answer some people back, starting with Hannah.

not hannah montana:
are you okay

not hannah montana:
are you feeling better

not hannah montana:
hello

not hannah montana:
dillon you better answer

not hannah montana:
please don't die

dillon may be dead:
sorry hannah banana
i just needed some time
to myself and i took a nap

not hannah montana:
oh thank god you're alive,
dude i even changed ur
name to dillon might be
dead

dillon might be dead:
and that's why i love
you hannah😂

I left the chat with Hannah Baker and moved down to Alex.

Alex👱🏻‍♂️:
ok wtf bitch we need
to talk ab this

Alex👱🏻‍♂️:
ik what's up

Alex👱🏻‍♂️:
i swear if u don't answer
me i will kill you

Alex👱🏻‍♂️:
ok maybe not kill u
but like bitch

billion dillon💵🤟🏻:
fight me, and sorry
alex i took a nap

I started to text everyone else, letting them know I was fine and that I just really wanted to be alone.

My finger lingered over the last person I needed to contact. Do I really want to. Maybe I should leave him. Instead of doing so, I read the messages I have for him anyways.

scotty😊:
hey are you okay

scotty😊:
i'll come over

scotty😊:
unless u don't want
me to

scotty😊:
i called u like 5 times

scotty😊:
dillon ?

scotty😊:
you're prolly asleep
text me when u wake

dillon😁:
sorry i was and i
just need some time
to myself to think

scotty😊:
that's fine, just text
me when you need it

Instead of replying to him I shut off my phone and sigh.

I think I'm just going to take a few days out of school.

I know I'm being over dramatic, but I know that if I want time for myself it's best if I don't show up for school.

I turn my tv on and go straight to Netflix and turn on American Horror Story. Now I know I won't be sleeping.

sorry this is short but I wrote this to get something up.

more of a filler anyways. do not know when i will update.

i kinda want to hurry and end this but i can't just rush it.