Ice Heart

Hate being Sober

Fittz is giving me a ride to the center. I'm so fucking sleepy,I couldn't stop tossing. I kept feeling like I was gonna throw up and kept sweating.

"You gonna be good" says Fittz

"Yeah" I say putting a smile on my face

"I'll be back at 12:30 to get you" says Fittz

"Alright" I say as I get out of the car

I walk inside and all the people looked pretty normal I guess.

"Are you Kehlani Parrish"

"Yeah I'm here for sober life training" I say

"Come back here sweetie, I'm Dinah" she says Shaking my hand"I'm your sponsor and you are mine"

"Um, oh ok" I say

"Don't be nervous, I've been sober for 5 years now...coke" says Dinah as we go into this room

"So it's just me and you" I ask looking around

"Yeah, they pair you with someone with similar addictions" says Dinah taking a seat"I've been through this a million times...I can help you"

"Um okay" I says sitting down

My palms start sweating. I wasn't sure  what was gonna go on.

"So to let me tell you about myself" says Dinah" I was on coke, xans and oxycodone from time to time. I started when I was 16. My parents were ignoring it until I almost overdosed. I came here, which I wasn't happy about first but it helped. I had people I could talk to that actually understand what I'm going through"

The way she looked at me I could tell she was genuine.

"I started when I was 16 also" I say rubbing my hand on my shorts"um for me it's lean, xans,oxy and coke. My parents both died of overdose. They were good people...just fucked up. My dad taught me music, like everything I know. I started producing when I was 16 that's when I got into lean. I got my heart broken and got crazy on pills"

"I'm sorry about your parents" says Dinah"What about the heartbeak made you get into pills"

"She cheated on me with one of my so called friends" I say"it went on for months...when I found out I wanted to be numb"

"Let me guess xans" says Dinah

"Yep, it made me feel like no matter how much people hurt me I was good" I say"I made good music so I thought I was fine"

"I listen to Tracy" says Dinah

"I don't fuck with Tracy...he left me for dead in the studio. Lil Jay called 911" I say"Tracy put a bag of oxycodone in my lean"

"Friends that you have when you're addicted aren't your friends in real life" says Dinah"I would suggest staying off social media.. it will only make it worst. Maybe start a new one"

"Those are the only people I had" I say

"You have Fittz and his family now" says Dinah"Believe it or not I'm your friend now too, we can talk whenever you want or hangout"

"Thanks I appreciate that" I say"How did you sleep when you started detoxing"

"Like shit, if I wasn't throwing up...I was tossing" says Dinah"You should try CBD...or weed but don't tell them I told you that. It works for me"

"Wouldn't that make you wanna relapse" I say

"I started with CBD pills" says Dinah"Do you wanna take a ride"

"Sure" I say

We got in her car and went up the street to this health store with a gym. She must be in here often because the people welcomed her like they know her.