love letters ; tyrus

.15

(a/n: PLEASE READ THIS SO IT ALL MAKES SENSE LATER ON: this is kind of a weird chapter so i hope you don't hate it too much aha. i just wanted to say that if you see ANYTHING in bold AND italics that means it's a memory (this will make sense later on) and if it's just in italics that means it's cyrus voice in his head.)

"hey, are you ok?" the boy asked after recovering from the impact of cyrus' body colliding with his. he asked for two reasons: one being because he just hurt him, and two because his facial expressions clearly showed something was wrong.

cyrus stared at the boy, not knowing what to say. he was beautiful. cyrus stood there mesmerized by this mystery boys beauty, getting lost in his eyes. he's never seen him before, but he's glad today was the day out of all days that he finally did.

"y-yeah." cyrus stuttered, finding it difficult to break out of the trance he was stuck in.

"i'm sorry for bumping into you." the boy apologized, flashing him a warm smile.

"i'm glad." cyrus whispered, not meaning to actually say it out loud. this caused the boy to chuckle and cyrus' face turned crimson.

"i guess i should be on my way, but it was a pleasure bumping into you, mr. clumsy." the boy joked, but cyrus just became more embarrassed at the nickname. "hopefully we can do this again sometime."

before cyrus could ask for his name, the mystery boy vanished down the hallway. as cyrus stared down the empty hall, he let his eyes drift to the left, which he instantly regretted. the person he desperately wanted to avoid, was standing at his own locker, pretending to not notice what was going on. o course he wasn't the best at it, because he made eye contact with cyrus.

cyrus instantly felt the pain behind tj's eyes, and his heart sunk. tj looked away, slamming his locker and shaking his head. he shoved his hands in his pockets and stomped down the hallway, in the opposite direction of cyrus.

tj was jealous. he was jealous of the boy that was able to pick cyrus off of his feet within the first second of meeting him, when tj has been trying for months, but couldn't seem to do it. this just confirmed to tj that cyrus didn't have the same feelings for him, and this made tj never want to show his face in public ever again. cyrus probably thought he was a joke.

he couldn't help that he was madly in love with cyrus, but he wished he could've helped it. he should've known it would end badly for him. everything always does.

both of the boys had no idea what was really going on. cyrus, on one hand, thought tj was mad at him. he thought tj was so livid that he never wanted to talk to him again. so cyrus gave him that space.

for tj, he was scared. he was scared that cyrus hated him. he didn't want to lose the person who made him the happiest. yes he was upset with cyrus, but it was only for that night. he realized none of it was cyrus' fault. cyrus didn't know any better. he just wanted tj's number.

cyrus drew in a shaky breath as he watched tj disappear from sight. he felt the same emptiness he previously did during lunch, although this time, it made him want to cry. it made him hate himself more than anything.

memories of him and tj flooded his brain and his body became weaker and weaker. his hands flew up to his head, gripping onto his hair. he scrunched up his face, desperately trying to get rid of the memories, but nothing worked.

"because of you
i can
feel myself
slowly
but
surely
becoming the me
i
have always
dreamed
of
being.
-a nobody"

cyrus' eyes grew wide as he ran for the boy's bathroom across the hall. he knew he was going to explode any second.

"'sorry-' cyrus choked out, jolting out of his day dream.

'don't be sorry. at least you're the only one willing to help.'"

he busted through the door and before he could make it to a stall, he fell to his knees.

"to love a person is to see all of their magic, and to remind them of it when they have forgotten."

he began to feel the familiar feeling of hot tears slipping down his cheeks. he pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his head in his thighs. this has happened way too often in the past couple days, that he was used to it by now. crying felt natural to the boy.

"'hey, it's ok little man.' tj chuckled, drawing small circles on the small boys back to calm him down."

"stop!" cyrus struggled, squeezing his eyes shut as tightly as he could. he felt like he was in a nightmare. he needed tj more than anything right now, but tj hated him.

"'you're supposed to put the things down on the counter, silly. so things like this don't happen.' tj informed, grabbing some of the items out of cyrus' hands and putting them down. 'there you go, little man. down you go.'"

cyrus could feel his breathing quicken as he tried his best to prepare for the panic attack that was on the rise. he had nobody to help.

"'can you just come and lay with me.' cyrus rushed over his words and the nauseous feeling came back instantly."

'i need him.' cyrus thought to himself over all of the chaos that was happening in his mind.

"'don't cry, bud. everything's ok.' tj smiled, raising his hand up to cyrus' face. 'everything's ok.' he whispered softly, running his thumb under cyrus' eye to catch his tears."

'i love him.'