i just want you to know who i am

Chapter 8

Cheryl had never been so lost in thought. One thing that she hated about herself was how she would always over think every little thing. And this wasn't a little thing. This was a big thing. A huge thing. She sat against the headboard of her bed, running the pink scrunchie through her fingers. Her hands were starting to get sore from hours of playing with the hair accessory, just staring at it as her mind raced.

After Toni dropped her off at school to get her car, Cheryl felt like a tub of jell-o and just couldn't stop smiling, no matter how hard she tried. She kept remembering how Toni's lips felt against hers. As unconventional as it was, it turned out to be everything she'd ever wanted for her first kiss. She'd wanted it for five years, pretty much since the first time she'd laid eyes on Toni back in seventh grade. Even if she wasn't aware of it back then.

But as usual, her thoughts insisted on ruining everything for her. Would Toni continue to give her grief at school? What were they now that Toni knew about how she felt? How did she feel? What was she expecting to happen now?

The more her thoughts ran around in circles, the more she started to doubt everything. Toni didn't like her. If anything, this was probably just some kind of plan to humiliate her just like always. Like what happened in the locker room. Toni always made her think that she had changed and then turned around and proved her wrong. She wasn't sure of Toni's limits, but it seemed like she would stop at nothing to make her life miserable. And Cheryl wasn't going to fall for it this time. Her heart just couldn't take it. The kiss probably meant nothing to the former cheerleader and she probably had some kind of plan to make hundreds of copies of the torn up paper to post all over the school hallways tomorrow.

"Cheryl, dear, we're home!" her mother's voice and the sound of the front door closing came from downstairs, making Cheryl panic and place the scrunchie under her pillow. Hiding it from her parents as if it had the words 'I KISSED TONI TOPAZ' written all over it. She didn't realize it was so late. Apparently she had been sitting on her bed lost in thought for almost four hours.

Turning off her bedside lamp, she tucked herself quickly under the covers, feigning sleep just in case they came into her room to check on her. But as she should have expected, they didn't. She heard their footsteps go past her room after coming upstairs, followed by the sound of their squeaky bedroom door closing down the hall.

With a relieved sigh, she looked up at the ceiling, pulling the scrunchie from under her pillow, smiling a bit sadly at it. Her parents didn't care about her. And she was sure that Toni didn't either. To her parents, she was just a pawn in their game. Just a character in the wholesome family they pretended to have for the sake of their image. And to Toni...She didn't know what she was to Toni. Years of bullying and torment had given her some major trust issues. How was she supposed to trust her after everything? How was she supposed to feel?

Sighing again, she wrapped the scrunchie around her wrist and pulled her comforter up to her chin, trying to ease her mind enough so she could sleep. But she couldn't stop the memory of that perfect kiss from playing over and over in her head like a broken record.

xxx

"You're awfully cheerful this morning," Betty quirked an eyebrow at her best friend as they stood by her locker. "You never stopped by the newspaper room yesterday, but I saw your car in the parking lot."

"Oh, I stayed late to tutor someone after study hall. Sorry, I should have told you," Cheryl lied and pressed her lips together to try to stop herself from smiling. She had her doubts about Toni, but yesterday still happened, and she was still floating on air over it.

"It's okay," the blonde shrugged, swapping out books in her locker. She continued to talk about something that Cheryl just couldn't focus on. More than likely it had to do with either the newspaper or the church's canned food drive on Sunday. Whatever it was, she couldn't bring herself to pay attention when a certain brunette was walking solo down the hall, looking right at her with a warm smile. Whether she was headed towards them or not, Cheryl found herself in fight or flight mode. And just like most times, she chose flight.