i just want you to know who i am

Chapter 31

Cheryl slowly stirred from her slumber, shifting against the warm body behind her. Her glasses were laid out on the blanket beside her, seemingly plucked from her face and placed aside so they didn't break. She didn't remember taking them off last night. She remembered everything else, though. Drinking and having fun with Toni before she broke down and cried to her, begging her not to go out and drive. As embarrassed as she was about her little tantrum, she knew she made the right choice. Toni was safe here, peacefully sleeping behind her.

She put her glasses on and sat up carefully, looking around. The hands on the grandfather clock against the wall told her it was nearly 3AM, dimly lit by the fading fire and the lights on the Christmas tree. If she remembered correctly, she fell asleep around 9:30 last night. She remembered how the bourbon made her feel like she was wrapped in a warm, fuzzy blanket. But as good as it made her feel, she felt bad for falling asleep before she could ring in the new year with her girlfriend.

Feeling a bit of a chill, she got up slowly, tucking the blanket higher up on Toni's shoulders to keep her warm before going to add some wood to the fire, livening up the flame. She let the warmth take her over, rubbing her bare arms as she turned to lay back down with Toni on the floor. The colorfully decorated paper from the brunette's gift caught her eye from its place near Toni's covered feet, beside the cassette case. Curiously, she picked up the plastic box, smiling as she glanced over the track listing again.

'10 Things' had her attention once again. Toni had been so vague in telling her to listen to it later. When would the appropriate time be? She tore her eyes from the tape and glanced over at the sleeping girl. She didn't want Toni to be mad for listening to it too early, but the suspense was killing her. Tip-toeing across the living room and into the foyer, she quietly unzipped her purple backpack, fishing her walkman out from the middle pocket and taking it back with her to the dimly lit living room.

She sat down beside Toni, careful not to wake her, and put the tape into her walkman, closing it slowly to avoid making too much noise. Taking a deep breath, Cheryl put her headphones over her ears and tried to prepare herself for whatever she was going to hear. She wasn't sure what to expect. It couldn't be anything bad, right? Especially not after a whole tape's worth of romantic songs.

After pressing play, the soft intro to "Wonderwall" played in her ears, bringing her an odd sense of comfort. She remembered it playing in the car during their first date. One of the greatest nights of her life. Pressing down on the fast-forward button, she could feel the device vibrate in her hands as it sped through the tape inside, coming to a stop when she pressed play again. It took a few tries until she finally got to the last song from the track listing, listening to it from middle to end so she didn't skip ahead too far. Her heart sped up in her chest as "Dreaming of You" came to an end, looking briefly back at Toni to make sure she was still asleep.

"Hey, babe. I know this is super cheesy," Toni's soothing voice relaxed her while somehow making her tense up at the same time, "I didn't really have the money to get you anything really fancy, and I didn't wanna get you just anything. So hopefully you liked the tape." Cheryl smiled to herself and pulled her knees up to her chest as she listened on, hearing the sound of paper rustling as Toni gently cleared her throat. "So, that list you made a few months ago, I still have it. It means a lot to me that you would take the time to write a whole list of things you like about me, even though I still feel like I don't deserve such nice things said about me. But...you deserve nice things said about you too. So I have a list of my ten favorite things about you."

Warmth spread through Cheryl's body as Toni spoke in her ears through the scratchy recording, biting her lip hard as she started to speak again. "One. You've always been so nice to everyone, including me. Even when I didn't deserve it. Two. You're so fucking cute, I can't believe it sometimes. With your glasses and your smile, just ugh." Cheryl stifled her giggling as a blush rose to her cheeks, as if Toni were saying this to her in person. "Three. Speaking of that adorable smile, every time I see it, it puts a smile on my face too. You always make me so happy, Cher."