i just want you to know who i am

Chapter 15

Trying not to smile so much around her parents was one of the hardest tasks Cheryl had ever taken on. If she smiled too much, they would get suspicious. It wasn't like her to smile so often. Especially at church. She was normally so stoic, claiming that she was just remaining focused, when in reality, she was just bored out of her mind. Listening to her father preach was something she'd been doing every Sunday since she was in diapers. Up until last week, that is. Which is exactly why she was currently on her hands and knees, using a dust buster to suck up dirt and crumbs from the corners of the large chapel. She had been at this since noon when the service had ended. Four hours later and her father was still finding little imperfections around the room for her to clean.

"When you're done dusting, you can kneel at the altar and beg for forgiveness until your mother and I are through with this meeting," Clifford stood over her, his voice firm as he spoke.

"Yes, Daddy," Cheryl mumbled, nodding as she ran the little vacuum up the corner of the engraved wooden wall. She listened as his footsteps faded behind her before the sound of slamming doors echoed through the large empty room. Finally, she was alone. She didn't have to bite back her smile any longer. She no longer had to try to push away the memory of last night.

She had a girlfriend. Toni was her girlfriend. After years of longing and confusion, it had somehow happened. She wasn't sure how or why she let it happen. She wasn't supposed to like Toni. For multiple reasons. For starters, she was a girl. She didn't even want to know what everyone would think if they found out she liked girls. Everyone already thought she was enough of a freak. Secondly, her parents despised Toni and her whole family, though she didn't know why. Around ninth grade, she'd learned to stop asking why when her father threw her to the floor and told her to stop being so nosy. And lastly, Toni had given her hell since middle school. How could she have possibly continued to have a crush on such a bully after all this time? That was what confused her most of all.

Finishing up with the dust buster, she placed it in the broom closet in the back of the chapel before doing as her father asked, kneeling at the altar. But she wasn't begging for forgiveness. If she was going to beg for anything, it was answers. She wanted to know why she was the way she was. Was she weak for falling for Toni? Why did she continue to have feelings for her after all these years?

She found herself really praying for answers as she knelt on the carpeted steps, but all she got was the image of Toni's warm smile and the sound of her infectious laughter replaying in her head. Her cheeks were already starting to hurt from smiling. If she wasn't supposed to like Toni, how come just the thought of her made her smile so much? How come she felt butterflies in her stomach when her name popped into her head? Last night had been perfect. If it were really wrong, it wouldn't have felt so right.

"Cheryl," her mother's voice broke her from her thoughts, along with the sound of her heels tapping lightly against the carpeted aisle.

"Yes, Mommy?"

"Come to your father's office, there's someone we'd like you to meet," her voice was stern as it had been most of the time lately. Cheryl couldn't even remember the last time her mother's voice had been soft and maternal.

"Yes, Mommy," she mumbled, getting up and smoothing out her linen dress before following her mother up the aisle and down the hall to her father's office. She was confused, and admittedly a bit nervous.

"Here she is!" Clifford bellowed cheerily as she entered the office with her mother, who was now grinning. What was going on? "Cheryl, dear, we'd like you to meet Mr. and Mrs. St. Clair, they're going to be partnering with us and helping with finances when your nana signs over Grandpappy Blossom's maple syrup business."