i just want you to know who i am

Chapter 23

It had been a little over a week since Cheryl had last spoken to Toni. Not for lack of trying. She left notes in her locker, she called up her house a few times, but nothing worked. Toni was done with her, and she knew it. She'd messed everything up. She tried to deny it as long as she could, avoiding the possibility that things were over between them. But when she rolled up to school the Monday morning before Thanksgiving and didn't see Toni's car, that was like the final nail in the coffin. Just last week, Toni was saying that meeting up in the dark room on Monday mornings was their thing. But now they had no "thing". There was no "them".

Thanksgiving had come and gone. Cheryl spent it at her Nana's house just like every year, remaining silent at the dinner table as her family chattered around her. When they were kids, she and Jason used to sit at the kids table and secretly see who could catapult their peas the farthest across the room without getting caught. She missed him. Holidays in her family had always been boring and ritual. Clifford and Penelope believed that children were to be seen and not heard, so Cheryl sat quietly in the corner after dinner, trying not to think about Toni or Jason or anyone else in her life that she had lost.

But today was the day that the junior class left for the ski trip. She was excited to just get her mind off of everything and have some fun with Betty and Archie. From Friday to Monday, the town of Riverdale and certain people in it would hopefully be in the back of her mind.

"Have a good time, pumpkin," Clifford gave his daughter a slight smile after loading her suitcase into the trunk.

"Thank you, Daddy," she hugged him tightly, though he barely hugged back. Her father wasn't her favorite person, but she was craving the affection. Getting so much and then having it ripped away had her desperate for human contact, even if it came from her cruel and abusive father. "I'll see you on Monday," she pulled back from her father and kissed Penelope's cheek with a sigh. The second she was in the car, her parents turned and walked back through the front door, not bothering to wave her off. Cheryl wasn't sure why she had expected anything else.

She arrived at the school at noon, parking in her usual spot amongst the rest of the students' cars. Her eyebrows raised a bit at the sight of Toni's Corolla in her assigned spot. Was she coming? Glancing around, she got her suitcase out of the trunk, wheeling it towards the front of the school where everyone was dropping off their luggage before congregating in the cafeteria.

"Cheryl!" a chipper voice called once she stepped inside, putting a bit of a smile on her face as she watched her best friend come running up to her. "Can you believe it? We're finally juniors going on the iconic ski trip," the blonde gushed, but Cheryl just nodded with her slight smile, looking down at her shoes. "What's wrong? You've been down in the dumps for like, a week now."

"It's nothing, Betts, my stomach just doesn't feel very well from dinner last night," she lied, holding her hand over her stomach through her puffy coat.

"Maybe you can get some rest on the bus," Betty rubbed her arm gently. Cheryl was glad that all her bruises had finally faded once again. But she'd grown so used to the pain that she instinctively flinched at any unexpected touch.

"Hopefully," she nodded, spotting a pink beanie in the distance, covering familiar brown hair with blonde highlights. Even from across the cafeteria with her back turned, Toni still made her heart beat faster. And as if she could feel her eyes on her, Toni turned around and glanced in her direction, making her heart nearly stop beating all together.

"Come on, let's go grab a seat," Betty lead her further into the cafeteria to their usual table in preparation for the little meeting the teachers and chaperones were surely going to have with them before they loaded up the buses. Cheryl let the blonde lead her by the wrist, but she kept her eyes on Toni, biting her lip in anticipation. The brunette had turned back around to talk to Veronica and Josie, but Cheryl kept wishing that she would turn to face her again. She needed to talk to her.