With love comes problems

That's Not Me

               “Dude!  What the fuck!?”  He practically screamed at me.

            “I-I uh…S-sorry I j-just uh.”  I stuttered the most I have ever in my life, I didn’t know what to do.  What is wrong with me why did I do that in the first place?  I’m so stupid!

            Chandler quickly stood up and was now looking me straight in the eyes, “Are you gay!?”

            “M-maybe, um, s-sorry.”

            “Dude you can’t just do that!  That’s not okay dude!”  He crossed his arms, then whispered, “Can you just go…”

            I turned around and quickly ran out of his room, then out of the house.  It seemed like I ran for an hour.  After a while I stopped and looked around, I couldn’t see much because my vision was blurry from tears.  Pretty much all I could make out was that there was a bench near me, so I went to sit down, tears were flowing down my face.  I sat down with my head between my knees and just cried.

----Time Skip----

            I finally decided to stand up from my position; I don’t know how long it has been, so I slowly take out my phone.  I wipe my tears away and look at the time and see that it is midnight.  Now that I can see again I look around to see where I am.  I am a block away from the community park so I can get to my house easily.  I started walking towards my house.  It took about half an hour since after I ran out of Chandler’s house I ran the opposite way of my house.

            When I got home I made sure I was looking normal because I can’t cry in front of my mom or dad, that is just something that I won’t do.  I took out my key and unlocked the door, then walked inside and closed and locked the door behind me.  All the lights are off so I’m guessing that my parents are asleep.  I slowly walked over to the kitchen and pulled out some cereal and milk, I hadn’t eaten since school lunch so I was hungry.  I had my cereal then cleaned up after myself.

            I then opened up the drawer that kept the silverware in it.  I slowly reached in and pulled out a knife.  Tears started forming in my eyes once again; I closed the drawer and turned off the kitchen light as I went off to my room… with the knife.  I walked into my room and turned on the lights, then closed the door and sat down on my bed.  Tears were streaming down my face once again; I stared at the knife, then at my arm.  I touched the knife to the side of my arm that my palm is on.

            I then thought to myself, ‘No, this isn’t you.  This isn’t me.  I won’t let myself do this.’  I pulled the knife away from my arm quickly.  I said to myself, “No way.”  I then threw the knife as hard as I could towards my wall.  I hit my wall with the edge of the knife and the knife stuck into it.  It made a huge clacking sound and I remembered that my parents were asleep.  Luckily I don’t think it was loud enough.  I decided to leave the knife in the wall, just to show myself if I get to this low ever again that I can get through it.

            I turned off my lights and then crawled onto my bed.  I pulled the covers over half my face and cried myself to sleep.